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Lunar Noctowl
06-16-2012, 07:15 PM
Chapter 1
Joe was opening the door to his lab and a trail of broken glass lead to Joe's invention room.Joe opened the door to see a dog sitting on the floor.Joe groaned as he put the dog in a machine.He pushed a green button and the door opened and out walked a tall young man."Sorry,you know how I like testing potions"he said."Yeah,a little too much,"Joe complained,"What have I said about going in my potion room without telling me!" "You're treating me like I'm your son,"he groaned. "Well your father left you in the park,left and never came back!"Joe reminded him,"Eyan,face it,it's been 18 years"I know,"Eyan replied sadly and got on You Tube.

BreeZaps
06-16-2012, 07:30 PM
MORE!
Please?

Lunar Noctowl
06-16-2012, 07:55 PM
"Ring,Ri-" "Hello,oh hi Kyoshiro,ok,yes,you've got room 1-A,first floor,bye,"Joe ended."What in the name of holy heck was that about?"Eyan asked. "Kyoshiro is gonna rent a room,"Joe replied. "You have a hotel?!"Eyan wondered.Technically,yes,"Joe told him," "Oh, there's Kyo!" "Oh hai there,Kyo!" "Cut the chatter and give me my room!"she snapped. "Someone got up on the wrong side of the dog house,"Joe told her. "Sorry,had a bad morning,I woke up burning up then I fell down the stairs,I..."She trailed off as she went to her room."She's problay not sorry you know,"Eyan remarked.The next morning Joe saw take out food from a fancy restuarant in my fridge."Oh yeah...I meant to eat that from last night!" "Why did you go out last night,hm?"Joe questioned "It's funny you should ask....I kinda took Kyo to eat she was famished,"Eyan mumbled.I plopped on my bed and said,"Wake me up when my life isn't crazy!"

Dabottle
06-17-2012, 12:44 AM
Excellent story. 10/10. Now... what's happening?

Patriot
06-17-2012, 02:29 AM
For Chapter 1, the fact that you keep using Joe instead of a pronoun becomes really redundant. Also, neaten up your typing so it's more understandable.

Lunar Noctowl
06-17-2012, 04:36 PM
" Let me get this staight,you and Kyo had a date ? " I asked." Yeah tell us Shooper Skarmory ! " A voice requested. " Majoras fan,it figures that you,of all people,would want to know, " Eyan replied," yes,I Superskarmory of the Skardanian did date Kyoshiro Blitz ! " " Ah-hah,you admitted it! " Majoras Fan boasted. " Give me a kyurem or i'll turn S.S into a Pooch-EYAN-a,ha! " someone commanded. " Fine,Xero,for two reasons I will let you,one I DON'T HAVE ONE AND TWO,well to be quite honest I have never seen Eyan as a poocha,so,GO AHEAD IF YOU MUST! " I yelled. " LET'S BEGIN ! " yelled Xero and he pushed Eyan into his machine,and I saw him take off his mask, it was...

Tuxy
06-17-2012, 04:38 PM
Kyo's gonna kill you if she reads this...

Lunar Noctowl
06-18-2012, 03:43 PM
Xcrunner! Eyan stepped ,or crawled rather, out of the machine.He was about one foot kinda grayish purple and had four legs.Kyo walked down the hall,tired and gloomy and as soon as she saw Eyan her wore a big smile. "Joe,you got me a Pooceyana,Thanks!"Kyo thanked me,and she kissed me."Get out of my house,Colette!"I yelled. "Sorry it was an accident!" Kyoshiro explained. "Yeah,yeah,go and take your dog with you!"I yelled. She stomped out with her dog and slammed the door. "Nice,Joe you just gave Kyo,Eyan,good job!"Majoras Fan congratulated. My face's smile shrunk with pain. "Lets go,run,who knows what she will do to him!"I yelled.

Lunar Noctowl
06-18-2012, 04:06 PM
We run down the street and see the real Xero and I tell him what happened."I'll help as long as I get paid!"he said. "That's fine I have a endless money machine that prints in trillons!" I told him.He was quick to agree.We ran to Kyo's house and saw Sophie standing at the door."Who might that lovely lass be?!" Xero asked. "Well,Xero that be Sophie,why?" I asked. "No reason,"he assured me.We ran in Kyo's houseto see her braiding her dogs fur and dressing it up. "I knew it was Eyan all along,I was listening in,and now to drop Eyan down a cliff!"Kyo yelled."Don't you think that there be a bit harsh?"I asked."Your'e right!"she agreed and we all went home to change Eyan back.

BreeZaps
06-19-2012, 05:20 PM
This story is just weard and...

Lunar Noctowl
06-19-2012, 07:16 PM
We got home and saw Xcrunner!Xpl,Sophie,Kyoshiro,Majoras Fan,Eyan,and I used our best Pok'emon,in my case Noctowl.Xcrunner forfeited,Sophie&Xpl got married,S.S&Kyo got married,and Majoras Fan&I were single sad guys.AND THEY ALL LIVED DEAD,jk,The End.

Lunar Noctowl
06-19-2012, 07:17 PM
That's all folks!!!!!

Dabottle
06-19-2012, 07:17 PM
What did I just read?

Also, try pressing the spacebar. It might help.

ShadowMr.L
06-19-2012, 08:43 PM
That was...interesting....? Great...job....?

Majorasfan
06-19-2012, 11:08 PM
I resent the fact that I die alone and single. I don't deny it, but I resent it. I got a chuckle out of this. xD

Tainers14
06-19-2012, 11:13 PM
Who the heck is Sophie?!?!?!?!

Triplewolf
06-19-2012, 11:53 PM
Well that was interesting to say the least.

Lunar Noctowl
06-20-2012, 02:13 PM
majoras fan u dont die i put jk afterwards to mean just kidding:)

Minntul
06-20-2012, 04:19 PM
10/10 would read again

Christian
06-20-2012, 05:42 PM
This was... Different? Haha.. Good job.

bamboo37
06-27-2012, 01:23 AM
I don't mind the story at all. I think it is a ok story but the chapters are short. Still you did a great job.9/10.