View Full Version : ninjas of the wind
jamestownrules
08-12-2012, 02:08 AM
my fan fic instead of the mystery dungeon one hope you like it.
it has been 100 years since naruto has became hokage and he has a son and a grandson now. his grandson konaha named after their home village is 12 and graduating the ninja acadamy
konaha- grandma im home
sakura- hi honey
konaha- grandma wheres grandpa
sakura- he should be home any second
*door opens*
naruto- sakura konaha im home
konaha- hi grandpa.
konaha- grandpa im going outside.
naruto- ok konaha
*konaha goes outside*
unknown- well well well if it isnt konaha
end of part one.
what happened to konahas parents will be explained in part 2.
if you want to be a ninja let me know here are the 2 clans and 2 people can be konahas brother and sister.
clan 1-hyuggaa
clan 2- uchiha
CaptainRed1000
08-12-2012, 07:09 AM
Aww. I liked your PMD idea, but this will probably be just as good. I haven't seen Naruto in years so I've no idea what this is gonna be like, but that's what makes it interesting!
Umbrony
08-12-2012, 12:17 PM
Pretty good writing. Be sure to use correct punctuation, and capitalization.
Great story overall!
jamestownrules
08-12-2012, 08:47 PM
last time... konaha got home to his grandparents house went to play outside and bumped into a familiar face
part 2
12 years earlier......
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
unknown: push, push
unknown: i am sakun
sakun: ok ok but i am very nervous this is our first child
doctor: one more push
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
doctor: here he is your new baby boy
sakun: awww kura he so adorible
sakun: kura?
*heart monitor flatlines*
sakun: kura kura no
*sakun sobbing*
later that night
sakun: i cant do it not without you kura
*sakun writes a letter*
dear father and mother i am leaving konaha with you i cant go on without kura i cant good bye i love all of you.
*sakune stabbes himself with kuinai*
sakun:unhhhhhh
*sakun dies*
end of part 2
still need more members though
next part coming soon
Champion Cynthia
08-12-2012, 09:37 PM
Try using proper punctuation more, more people will read it like that.
Patriot
08-13-2012, 02:23 AM
There's no meat to the plot, if there even is one. All I see is random dialogue, and there's not a single capitalization. This is just sloppy writing, and it makes no sense at all. Try harder.
jamestownrules
08-13-2012, 07:54 PM
the first 2 parts arnt soposed to make any sense patriot the rest will
jamestownrules
08-31-2012, 11:21 PM
i am adding another group people can join it is called ninja school apprentices if you join it you will be a chunin teaching academy kids that have just graduated.
jamestownrules
12-01-2012, 03:38 AM
ok stoping this for 2 or 3 months to do another fanfic hopefully a better one so to be continued
Cutiepuffle
12-04-2012, 01:30 AM
Yeah, when mega did dialouge format, people called out on him. You'll be able to describe the scene more if you use a paragraph format, like you're writing a book. You're writing a story, not a play.
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