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jamestownrules
08-12-2012, 02:08 AM
my fan fic instead of the mystery dungeon one hope you like it.

it has been 100 years since naruto has became hokage and he has a son and a grandson now. his grandson konaha named after their home village is 12 and graduating the ninja acadamy

konaha- grandma im home

sakura- hi honey

konaha- grandma wheres grandpa

sakura- he should be home any second

*door opens*

naruto- sakura konaha im home

konaha- hi grandpa.

konaha- grandpa im going outside.

naruto- ok konaha

*konaha goes outside*

unknown- well well well if it isnt konaha

end of part one.

what happened to konahas parents will be explained in part 2.

if you want to be a ninja let me know here are the 2 clans and 2 people can be konahas brother and sister.

clan 1-hyuggaa

clan 2- uchiha

CaptainRed1000
08-12-2012, 07:09 AM
Aww. I liked your PMD idea, but this will probably be just as good. I haven't seen Naruto in years so I've no idea what this is gonna be like, but that's what makes it interesting!

Umbrony
08-12-2012, 12:17 PM
Pretty good writing. Be sure to use correct punctuation, and capitalization.
Great story overall!

jamestownrules
08-12-2012, 08:47 PM
last time... konaha got home to his grandparents house went to play outside and bumped into a familiar face

part 2

12 years earlier......


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

unknown: push, push

unknown: i am sakun

sakun: ok ok but i am very nervous this is our first child

doctor: one more push

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

doctor: here he is your new baby boy

sakun: awww kura he so adorible

sakun: kura?

*heart monitor flatlines*

sakun: kura kura no

*sakun sobbing*

later that night

sakun: i cant do it not without you kura

*sakun writes a letter*

dear father and mother i am leaving konaha with you i cant go on without kura i cant good bye i love all of you.

*sakune stabbes himself with kuinai*

sakun:unhhhhhh

*sakun dies*

end of part 2

still need more members though

next part coming soon

Champion Cynthia
08-12-2012, 09:37 PM
Try using proper punctuation more, more people will read it like that.

Patriot
08-13-2012, 02:23 AM
There's no meat to the plot, if there even is one. All I see is random dialogue, and there's not a single capitalization. This is just sloppy writing, and it makes no sense at all. Try harder.

jamestownrules
08-13-2012, 07:54 PM
the first 2 parts arnt soposed to make any sense patriot the rest will

jamestownrules
08-31-2012, 11:21 PM
i am adding another group people can join it is called ninja school apprentices if you join it you will be a chunin teaching academy kids that have just graduated.

jamestownrules
12-01-2012, 03:38 AM
ok stoping this for 2 or 3 months to do another fanfic hopefully a better one so to be continued

Cutiepuffle
12-04-2012, 01:30 AM
Yeah, when mega did dialouge format, people called out on him. You'll be able to describe the scene more if you use a paragraph format, like you're writing a book. You're writing a story, not a play.