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Charizardflyer
09-03-2012, 03:52 AM
This is a new fanfic that i'm wrighting, so enjoy. I will try to upload parts when ever i can, maybe 2 or 3 parts a day.
PMD:
The time of darkness



Many pokemon in the unova region have become evil. Will Leafeon and Absol be able to stop kyurem before he turns everyone evil?


Part 1: The start of a rescue team



Leafeon was running through the woods. She jumped over a log. She came to a small meadow. There was a small river running though it with a stone riverbed. The grass was very soft. There was a low hanging branch on a tree. Perfect for a lean-to. Leafeon pushed several large branches over to the branch and leaned them against it. It made a nice den. She got some moss and put it in the den to make a bed. She walked back out. An Absol came running though the meadow, a Zangoose chasing him. Leafeon jumped at the Zangoose and used slash. The Zangoose fell over. Absol turned around and used shadow ball. Zangoose got up and started to back away. The Zangoose turned around and started to run. Something hit the Zangoose and sent him flying. There were red glowing eyes in a bush. They disappeared. “Thanks. I thought that that Zangoose was going to get me” The Absol said. “Your welcome.” Leafeon replied. “There have many evil pokemon recently” Absol continued “ Pokemon rescue have been trying to stop them. Want to become a team?” “Sure” Leafeon said “ What should our team name be?”
“How about-” He was cut of as he saw Glaceon walk in the meadow. “Hello Leafeon” Glaceon said. “Hi” Leafeon said “Would you like to join our rescue team” “No thanks” Glaceon replied. “- Rescue Team HeartGold” Absol continued. Glaceon began to leave. “Sure, I like that name” Leafeon said.

END OF PART ONE




Anyone can be in this, just post which pokemon you are, if your good or evil, if you are in a rescue team (Note: You can be a leader of a rescue team. If so what is the name of the team?) and the moves that you know.

CaptainRed1000
09-03-2012, 03:55 AM
Good start, looking forward to seeing what you do with this series! There's a few grammar mistakes here and there, but it's still a good start.

Patriot
09-03-2012, 04:43 AM
Leafeon was running through the woods. She jumped over a log. She came to a small meadow. There was a small river running though it with a stone riverbed. The grass was very soft. There was a low hanging branch on a tree. Perfect for a lean-to. Leafeon pushed several large branches over to the branch and leaned them against it. It made a nice den. She got some moss and put it in the den to make a bed. She walked back out. An Absol came running though the meadow, a Zangoose chasing him. Leafeon jumped at the Zangoose and used slash. The Zangoose fell over. Absol turned around and used shadow ball. Zangoose got up and started to back away. The Zangoose turned around and started to run. Something hit the Zangoose and sent him flying. There were red glowing eyes in a bush. They disappeared. “Thanks. I thought that that Zangoose was going to get me” The Absol said. “Your welcome.” Leafeon replied. “There have many evil pokemon recently” Absol continued “ Pokemon rescue have been trying to stop them. Want to become a team?” “Sure” Leafeon said “ What should our team name be?”
“How about-” He was cut of as he saw Glaceon walk in the meadow. “Hello Leafeon” Glaceon said. “Hi” Leafeon said “Would you like to join our rescue team” “No thanks” Glaceon replied. “- Rescue Team HeartGold” Absol continued. Glaceon began to leave. “Sure, I like that name” Leafeon said.

I'm sorry, but this is simply shoddy writing. "Leafeon was running through the woods. She jumped over a log. She came to a small meadow. There was a small river running though it with a stone riverbed. The grass was very soft." You're just narrating pointless details, and really, you could have written better. Add more detail to it than just stating directly the action. I beg of you, improve on this.

Champion Cynthia
09-03-2012, 04:56 AM
Garchomp ♀ Earthquake Dargon Rush Flamethrower Giga Impact

super dill
09-03-2012, 11:30 AM
I like it a lot nice job!

Umbrony
09-03-2012, 04:07 PM
I'm sorry, but this is simply shoddy writing. "Leafeon was running through the woods. She jumped over a log. She came to a small meadow. There was a small river running though it with a stone riverbed. The grass was very soft." You're just narrating pointless details, and really, you could have written better. Add more detail to it than just stating directly the action. I beg of you, improve on this.


I have to agree on this. I am thinking about making a guide in this section for fanfic writers to improve upon.