PDA

View Full Version : Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Seekers of Truths and Ideals



X!!
10-04-2012, 02:52 PM
i want to cry.

SuperSceptile
10-05-2012, 07:56 PM
It was pretty cool. It's too bad that zoura isn't in the actual one. You have to be a unova starter,pikachu, or an axew. It comes out in Japan December 23rd.

X!!
10-08-2012, 12:07 PM
please end my suffering.

Judge Mandolore Shepard
10-08-2012, 01:42 PM
This fan fic is quite impressive so far. Continue on with it.

Shantae
10-08-2012, 02:01 PM
>types on a phone
Sounds a hard thing to do, X.

This Fan-Fic is getting good so far. I loved the long part in nearly end of Chapter 2, when Zoura said about his past life. Sad but toching. Anywho, keep it up!

CaptainRed1000
10-08-2012, 10:38 PM
It is alright, but it does use a lot of paragraphs that aren't even paragraphs. One sentence, then the Enter key, another sentence, then another tap of the Enter key. Try to include more sentences in your paragraphs. 4 or 5 should be enough.

(Edit: I noticed that the first chapter did this better than the second, so try to follow a similar format.)

X!!
10-08-2012, 11:13 PM
It is alright, but it does use a lot of paragraphs that aren't even paragraphs. One sentence, then the Enter key, another sentence, then another tap of the Enter key. Try to include more sentences in your paragraphs. 4 or 5 should be enough.

(Edit: I noticed that the first chapter did this better than the second, so try to follow a similar format.)

Okay, thanks. I'll try to fix that problem in the next chapter. ^_^

CaptainRed1000
10-08-2012, 11:31 PM
I'm getting better at this...

X!!
10-17-2012, 10:58 AM
OH GOD MAKE IT STOP.

X!!
10-17-2012, 10:59 AM
I HATE MY 14-YEAR-OLD SELF.

FelsicFurret
10-17-2012, 08:28 PM
I think this is really good...the only sort of criticisms I can think of are for tiny things like the occasional wording that could have been better. (i.e., 4th paragraph of the post directly above..."Zorua punched Oshawott's face at a really high speed" instead of "Zorua punched Oshawott's face in a really high speed".
But seriously, this is awesome. Good characterization and description, and little touches like the "random catchy music" really make it more interesting and fun.

X!!
10-17-2012, 08:44 PM
I think this is really good...the only sort of criticisms I can think of are for tiny things like the occasional wording that could have been better. (i.e., 4th paragraph of the post directly above..."Zorua punched Oshawott's face at a really high speed" instead of "Zorua punched Oshawott's face in a really high speed".
But seriously, this is awesome. Good characterization and description, and little touches like the "random catchy music" really make it more interesting and fun.

Thanks for helping out! I fixed the error, by the way.

LovelyOshawott
10-18-2012, 12:58 AM
How did I not notice this?
It's a fanfic with an oshawott as a main character.
OO
___

Bricktoad
10-19-2012, 12:50 AM
Im pretty bad at writing stories, thats why I stay away from writing about pokemon, but you my friend have the talent!

24kShinx
10-25-2012, 06:54 PM
I must say that this story gets more interesting with every chapter that is posted.
This "Boss" character adds a sense of mystery so early into the story
The criticisms that are mentioned have already been fixed so I have none at this point
Keep up the great work

Elso579
10-30-2012, 10:36 PM
This is one of the best Fanfics I'v seen so far on this forum. I find it hard to find something that I can criticize but I'll give it the old college try.

My only real gripe is that Zorua figured out that Oshawott is a human as quickly as he did, it seems odd.

X!!
10-31-2012, 11:34 AM
This is one of the best Fanfics I'v seen so far on this forum. I find it hard to find something that I can criticize but I'll give it the old college try.

My only real gripe is that Zorua figured out that Oshawott is a human as quickly as he did, it seems odd.

Now that you mention it, yeah, it does seem odd. I was like, "Everyone played PMD...I got it! I'm gonna make Zorua know about the past two PMD games and figure out a certain pattern with the human who turned into a Pokemon, because I'm uncreative and stupid and yadda yadda yadda!"

So yeah, I was really stupid there. XD. Anyways, thanks for the feedback!

X!!
11-12-2012, 03:23 PM
gross .

Elso579
11-12-2012, 03:56 PM
I'm liking this so far, I like how you portray the actual dungeons, If I was writing this I'd portray the forest as a more realistic forest without "Stairs" and other what not but you actually make up for it by having Oshim comment on how odd it is so I think this chapter all in all is pretty good 9/10

X!!
11-12-2012, 04:01 PM
I'm liking this so far, I like how you portray the actual dungeons, If I was writing this I'd portray the forest as a more realistic forest without "Stairs" and other what not but you actually make up for it by having Oshim comment on how odd it is so I think this chapter all in all is pretty good 9/10

Don't question Gamefreak's logic.

In all seriousness, thanks for the comment. I'm looking forward to writing more of these.

Elso579
11-12-2012, 04:03 PM
Actually I'd be questioning Chunsoft's logic since they make the mystery dungeon games, I'm actually not sure if game freak has anything to do with them

CChariz
11-14-2012, 12:04 PM
Chapter 4 - Silent Forest (Part 1)
A certain Pokemon sniffed the air.
"Is that what I think it is?" it
wondered to itslef, "Oh no... Don't
tell me someone started a forest
fire!" The Pokemon started to panic
and screamed out loud. "EVERYONE
RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
THERE'S A FOREST FIRE! WE DON'T
HAVE ALL DAY! RUN! YOLO!
YOLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Silent Forest B1F
Silent Forest was a maze, where the
trees and the bushes served as
walls. It was also dark. Oshim and
Zorua could barely see a thing.
Then suddenly, the scalchop in
Oshim's chest began to glow. The
glimmering light from Oshim's
sclachop was noticed very easily,
since it gave off a bright yellow
light. "Hey Oshim, your scalchop...
How is it glowing?" asked Zorua

You made a typo.The ones colored orange.Other than that.Great story.X3

X!!
11-14-2012, 01:10 PM
You made a typo.The ones colored orange.Other than that.Great story.X3

Thank you for pointing that out. I never noticed those two typos. Anyways, fixed.

X!!
11-14-2012, 03:44 PM
whywhywhywhy

CaptainRed1000
11-16-2012, 02:05 AM
ONLY MEGAGAMER CAN END WITH A CLIFF-- Ah, whatever, I suppose I ended each of my Fanfics chapters with cliffhangers. Anyway, this was a really well written and interesting chapter.

CChariz
11-16-2012, 02:49 AM
It was nice.Not sure about this:


Zorua turned back at Oshim and
saw that he knocked the Shroomish
he was fighting out. The two
Pokemon nodded at each other, as
if the two knew what they were
going to say. Oshim and Zorua
continued walking and soon
enough, found the stairs. They
went down the staircase to the next
floor.

The orange colored sentence.It seemed.A bit weird at the end when it said,"He was fighting out." Doesn't sound right to me.But not so sure.

X!!
11-16-2012, 09:26 AM
It was nice.Not sure about this:



The orange colored sentence.It seemed.A bit weird at the end when it said,"He was fighting out." Doesn't sound right to me.But not so sure.

Unless you read it as "Zorua turned back at Oshim and saw that he knocked _______________ out."

JoshuaR001
12-12-2012, 02:27 PM
I'm liking where this is going! Please post some more soon.