PDA

View Full Version : Star Trek:The Last Humans:Chapter 1



Lunar Noctowl
10-23-2012, 08:11 PM
(just ignore heading this is the intro)



Hi I'm Elj and I have a dream. A dream of going into space. "Elj,stop with the nonsene you are only 13!" Eyan snapped. "Don't bielive me? Follow me!"I said. We rushed of in my storeroom and there it was...my starship. Eyan was amazed and nonchalant at the same time."Well I've better..." He mumbled.I gathered my crew rather quickly because I for one was excited whether Eyan was or not.My crew was RedAsh,Majorasfan,Kyoshirou,Zachoose,Uzi,Xpl,Will, Spitfire,Superskarmory,and to put it bluntly:Eyan,Nick,Colete,Zach,Ash and others.It's a small crew, but it will do for now.We all climbed aboard and I turned on the power for the Turbo Lift.It took us to all the floors so I could assign my crew some jobs.Ash was second in command,Kyo was security,Nick was the pilot of the shuttles just in case we needed them,Zach was Head of Science,Uzi was the docter,S.S was another pilot,Xpl watched the engine and fixed it when needed,Spitfire watched the hologram deck or Holodeck and I was the Captain.Once that tedious work was done I got comfy in my captain chair and told Ash "Engage!"and we took off!!!

Ice
10-23-2012, 08:18 PM
Good job! I am so glad that you are writing again. =)

Tuxy
10-23-2012, 08:19 PM
0/10 because character named Joe

BreeZaps
10-23-2012, 08:20 PM
This story is funny 10/10
will read again

Dabottle
10-23-2012, 08:21 PM
How did he manage to spell "nonchalant" correctly yet misspell basically half of the paragraph?

Merga
10-23-2012, 08:22 PM
The use of forum members is what made me stop reading. 3/10, better than some of your other works.

Next time, think of original characters and not base them all on forum staff/members. This only shows that you did not put a lot of thought before writing this at all.

Bricktoad
10-23-2012, 08:22 PM
eh, 7/10
Its good but consider revising it... :)

Lunar Noctowl
10-23-2012, 09:11 PM
We rocketed into the sky."How did you even build this??!!"Eyan asked. "Build? Why would I waste time building this? I used magic!"I replied. "Then make me a Skarmory!"he yelled. "It would cause trouble!"I urged. "No it won't,"he argued.I made him a Skarmory and it took the elevator on a rampage."You were saying?"I asked him.He rolled his eyes while I ran after Skarmory.I saw it.Violently it destroyed the engine and came after me.I ran to Sick Bay since that's probably where I'd end up at this rate.Uzi looked confused. "What...how...umm why..." "Long story" I replied,"Now stop that Skarmory!" The Skarmory came in and he injected acid in it and caught it with a Pok'eball. "Ok....that's one way to stop him,"I replied shocked.I went back to Eyan and gave him the Pok'eball. "Ok,Eyan I sealed the pok'eball shut with magic...ok i'm going to fix the engine...with magic of course!"I told him.I fixed the engine and an alien appeared on the screen."Surrender your ship or you die!"It snapped.We we're doomed.....:eek:

Tuxy
10-23-2012, 09:14 PM
1/10 because acid and magic

Dabottle
10-23-2012, 09:15 PM
sober up then continue writing the story.

Ice
10-23-2012, 09:51 PM
poor skummory it had to go into the pok apostrophe e ball =(

Bricktoad
10-23-2012, 10:26 PM
2/10
too falling down drunk random

X!!
10-23-2012, 11:42 PM
I can say your writing skills have improved, but I can still see a lot of errors. I still don't know what to rate the story, so I'll just give you a 2.5/10 for now...