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ILIEKPIE
10-29-2012, 05:10 AM
In celebration of Halloween, I will be making a small short story that will most likely end shortly after Halloween ends. Hope you enjoy this also, this will be based on video game characters. If you don't know a character look him/her up.

Prologue: As the ferocious winds in the sky start to die down, the camper Luigi hears multiple footsteps approaching his way. He can hear the voice of one of his sworn enemies, Bowser. In the midst of Bowser talking, he hears another voice. This voice was unrecognizable to Luigi. However, Luigi was smart enough to try to evade Bowser, but before he could escape, Luigi was bitten. Dazed Luigi cried out a single word "MARIOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

This will do it for the first post, if you like it tell me, if you dislike it explain why. Thank you

Cutiepuffle
10-29-2012, 01:56 PM
It was waaaaayyyyyyy too short. Try to add more stuff at least. Part 2 or 3 however is when you can really judge a story.

Bricktoad
10-29-2012, 02:40 PM
What cutiepuffle said
It needs more, I dunno, Plot to it

ILIEKPIE
10-29-2012, 09:40 PM
Yeah, didn't really want to put to much at that time. Didn't have an organized structure yet, only a small part of it.

Cutiepuffle
10-29-2012, 10:07 PM
Tip: It's best to introduce the characters in the first part, and the story in the second or third part.

ILIEKPIE
11-01-2012, 02:48 AM
Hey, I am leaving to an area without internet access for a while, so I won't be able to post. Also, my power was out for a while so that's why I couldn't continue. Anyways, I am taking your advice and working on a better structure and format. Next part should be up on Nov. 7th I think.