PDA

View Full Version : Uncle Mental



Zachgoose
03-25-2013, 03:24 AM
There once was a man named Uncle Mental. He was a strange man, the type of person that everyone thought had some deep dark secret and they tried to stay away from him. He lived alone, and his family only pretended to care about him. They would invite him to dinner on holidays, mainly just to not seem too rude. Sometimes he would try to talk to his nephews and nieces, but the children would always get scared and run away from him.

He wanted to be friends with the children, and show him he wasn't a bad person. Uncle Mental loved kids. A lot. He loved them so much he wished that he could be one again. His adult life was miserable; nobody cared about him and he worked a dead end job for 40 hours a week. If he died, nobody would even notice. To pass the time, he lurked the Internet.

One day, he accidentally came across something wonderful online: Touhou. The characters were little girls that were thousands of years old! They were cute, funny, and cherished by everyone despite being old. He wished he could be like a Touhou character. He became so fascinated with them, that he soon filled up his hard drive with Touhou pictures!

How he wished he could be like them. Eternally youthful and loved. Such simple joys came to him when he was a boy, but as he became an adult people quickly hated him because he was different. He just wanted to be loved, but nobody would ever care about him just because of his appearance. He secretly cried at night in bed over his pitiful life.

What if he could become young again? He wondered. Clearly he couldn't change his physical form, but there was something much more abstract than such a thing that could be easily molded like clay: his identity. After overhearing one of his nephews talk about "Super Skarmory" one day, he decided to look it up. He registered on the forums under the name "Mental". He even got an avatar of his favorite Touhou character, Flandre!

He was quickly accepted by the entire community, and was incredibly happy. He was able to communicate with other youthful and innocent children and teenagers, just like he wished he could be again. Since his profile said that he was 12 years old, he even began to believe it himself! Finally, he captured the glorious life he completely lost for nearly two decades: his childhood. Thanks to Touhou and Super Skarmory, he was able to be free and live happily ever after!

The moral of the story: If you don't like who you are, change yourself! Meet new people! Look at pictures of crudely drawn Japanese girls!

Merga
03-25-2013, 03:30 AM
10/10, better than Aesop.

Dabottle
03-25-2013, 03:33 AM
You should make this a series.

Minntul
03-25-2013, 03:35 AM
Man, I love biographies almost as much as I love Zach <333333333333.

Amazing story better than the B-side from Franz Ferdinand.

Patriot
03-25-2013, 04:52 AM
As Mental's cat, I approve of this.

Flubbs
03-25-2013, 06:51 AM
So..many..feels..
Uncle Mental, you truly are an inspiration to all miserable adults with miserable jobs who just want to be loved.

Oh yeah, your boss said that you're working unpaid overtime for the next two weeks. Sucks to be you man.

Blue Cadet-3
03-25-2013, 05:04 PM
0/10
2hou sux zach pls rite gudder stories

Ice
03-25-2013, 08:49 PM
uncle i'm sorry for neglecting you

sonriopoby123
03-25-2013, 10:52 PM
Mental confirmed pedophile