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View Full Version : Jurassic World Review, kind of



Dragonite
01-22-2016, 06:22 AM
So I (finally) saw that thing a few weeks ago and might as well write some stuff about it.

lots and lots of spoilers and stuff.

Good
- DINOSAURS
- Very colorful
- DINOSAURS
- Specifically, they did a decent job of making the dinosaurs feel alive, instead of a bunch of scaly ostriches and giraffes in a normal zoo.
- Also a good number of them ended up doing stuff in the climax besides of just standing around getting eaten (which they did anyway), although the bit with the ichthyosaur thing at the very end was kind of over before it started. (The only ones I don't recall seeing at some point were the coelophysis, and they have the excuse of probably getting flattened through the pavement before the cameraman even figured out where they were.)
- It acknowledged the existence of classic Jurassic Park. Liberally. Probably the one thing I was genuinely surprised at in the entire movie. Apparently people don't like it when you break the fourth wall like that but I don't see a problem with a movie taking place in the same world as . . . um, its own source material.
- The owner guy managed to pull off being a good guy and a bad guy at the same time, kind of, which is kind of rare.
- It was written like a real Michael Crichton story. You'd almost forget he died like seven years ago!
- I LIKE DINOSAURS, OKAY?

Meh
- Didn't deviate from original Jurassic Park as much as I hoped it would.
- I wish I could develop something as complex as Cthulhusaurus Rex and have it work on the first try!
- Did not get to see the pteranodons before they turned into ballistic missiles >:(
- Did not get to see more of the coelophysis before they presumably got turned into pancakes >:(
- Did not get to . . . never mind

Bad
- I tend to complain about this a lot in movies and admittedly it's kind of hard to do without making it look like you're ripping off some other movie, but come on, the owner guy was one of the only people who wasn't a carbon copy of one of the "surly teenager," "nerdy little brother," "FOR SCIENCE," "manly man guy," whatever, archetypes. Really, Surly's shoelaces had more personality than Surly did, it only took like five or ten minutes after introducing a character to know how the entire movie was going to go. Until:
- A lot of people got complete personality overhauls like halfway through the movie. A person doesn't go from being the bane of their little brother's existence to being their hero in the span of about a half hour, I could go on for pretty much everyone who had a name but I want to finish writing this by the time the sun comes up.
- Likewise, there were a lot of scenes that were either completely pointless or completely redundant. Cutting away from the action to quietly watch a brachiosaurus die for a minute and then cutting back to the action is like interrupting a Mozart concert to play a few verses of rock 'n' roll. Yes, we already understand Indiana Jones Guy's characterization by this point, thanks, film. Also I'm pretty sure the entire studio completely forgot about the divorce thing about ten minutes after shooting that part.
- For a movie that mocked product placement in multiple places . . . THERE WAS AN AWFUL LOT OF PRODUCT PLACEMENT. AAH.
- There weren't a whole lot of not mind-bogglingly stupid decisions made by anyone. "Gate that says Do Not Enter on it? Let's enter!" I guess that was kind of the point of the entire thing, but it's way easier to watch a film if there's a character you can root for who isn't an ancestor of the domesticated chicken.
- Cthulhusaurus kills almost every living thing on the island and then immediately get eaten by an otherwise peaceful-ish ichthyosaur.
- "In order for the plot to be resolved the main character has to learn something," and I guess that did kind of happen (without the deus ex crappy writing) if you count Cthulhusaurus learning how to be self-aware and then magically forgetting she's Cthulhu.

seriously?
- DEAR HOLLYWOOD, IF WATCHING YOUR ROMANCE SCENE IS ABOUT AS MUCH FUN AS HAMMERING NAILS THROUGH YOUR EYEBALLS IT MIGHT NOT BE A BAD IDEA TO, LIKE, DELETE THEM. AND THEN BURN THE MEMORY CARD. AND THEN BURN THE SCRIPT. AND THEN ARREST THE IDIOT THAT WROTE IT. SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE MAKING ME START TO ACTUALLY LIKE "CINDERELLA."

tl;dr liked it, but it definitely fell short in a few places.

JB
01-22-2016, 07:22 AM
8/10 No Jeff Goldblum, it was ok.

Seriously, though, I liked it a lot. But I felt like it was hyped a bit too MUCH, if that makes sense. It's a good movie in its own right, just...not "Holyshitwtfbbq."

Otherwise, I agree spot-on with everything you wrote. Good review!

SuperSceptile
01-22-2016, 01:12 PM
Pretty much agree with Dragonite. People bash the Force Awakens for being too much like a New Hope even though it's actually a good movie, and ignore how similar world is to park. IMO, Chris Pratt and HOLYS***ASAURUS (my name for indomonus Rex) save this movie.