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bridgetdrumlover
08-30-2011, 05:45 AM
Well, I'm done with reading this forum, so I've decided to be a part of it. So I'm going to be writing my first ever multichapter fanfic! Now as I'm somewhat a newbie, I would really appreciate any criticism and comments. I've had this plot in my head for several years now and I hope you like it as much as I do!

Prologue: A Dark Beginning

A small vessel glides through moonlit waters on a cloudless night. Above deck, an Umbreon couple, both very strong bodied and adorned with attire of warriors could be found. These Umbreon are Moonlight and Moonflower Starr, the most powerful Darkness Warriors of Twilight Island, an island inhibited by every dark type pokemon known. Their last name came from the star shaped mark on Moonlight's forehead, a proud family trademark. Moonflower appeared to have a bag slung around her neck, the outline shaped like a pokemon egg.
Along with the Umbreon couple was an older, over-excited Meganim by the name of Helen Green. She seemed to be screaming at the couple.
"Ohmigosh! After knowing you two for so long, I would have never thought you guys would be parents! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" exclaimed Helen.
Moonflower blushed shyly and explained "Well, we've been looking after the egg for a few weeks now, and we have been renovating the house to make way for the new arrival. We never really had the time to tell anyone before we left to accompany you." Moonlight nodded in agreement. "We were also a little worried too. The other day we went to the doctor's to have the egg checked. He told us the egg was healthy, would hatch in no time, and that we would be hatching a girl. He also mentioned that him and the other doctors had noticed a strange aura surrounding the egg and they did not know what its meant. They told us not to worried but as almost-parents, of course we worried. Everything seems to be fine now though." Moonlight told Helen.
Helen seemed to slowly register this information. "Well at least you two will be having a happy, strong girl. Who knows? Maybe she can surpa-" BOOOOM!!!!!!

A sudden crash came from the back of the ship. Pokemon from below decks came up and ran about screaming. "I will go check out the situation! Stay right here!" yelled Moonlight as he kissed Nightflower as well as the egg and bounded towards the source of the crash. As he arrived at the scene he discovered a huge crater in the ship, with a large, steaming meteor at the center. "This is no ordinary meteor." muttered Moonight, "This could only mean...an ambush!" Sure enough he looked the the sky and found the silhouette of a large dragon pokemon in the sky, only illuminated against the blue electricity pulsing through its body. Suddenly a storm appeared out of the clear sky, and the dragon attempted to use another Dragon Meteor. Moonlight quickly ran back to where his wife and Helen were.

Once back, Moonlight yelled "Quickly! To the lifeboats! We are under attack!" Helen screamed as a meteor came inches near her and ran towards the lifeboats. "I have a feeling the pokemon calling this attack is after us, Nightflower " yelled Moonlight over the roar of meteors. "I never knew danger would continue to chase us."
As they arrived at the life boats, one more was left, and Helen was in it with a very grim expression on her face as it looked very full. As they neared the lifeboat, a young Lucario, halted them, saying " This boat has already been filled. Only one of you can squeeze in safely." Moonlight and Nightflower stared at each other in shock. Who would be the one to go? They both seemed to have a silent conversation, glanced at the egg, and both nodded in agreement. Nightflower took the bag with the egg off of her neck and held it over to Helen. " I know you are starting an orphanage at Light Island, and since we both cannot go, we at least want our daughter to be able to live. Could you please take care of her?" Speechless, Helen took the bag. "I-I-I w-w-will put my whole h-h-heart into r-r-raising her to be as s-strong as you t-two." replied a teary Helen. She broke down crying and said her last goodbyes to Moonlight and Nightflower. The Lucario then lifted the boat and slowly let it sink into the inky black water. As the life boat began to drift away, Helen, gingerly holding the egg, took one last look at the ship to find the two Umbreons she had known for so long cling to each other as they met their grim fate.

Dinofossil5
08-30-2011, 02:00 PM
Dear god hurry up with Chapter one!!!!!!

bridgetdrumlover
09-01-2011, 05:52 AM
Sorry I am taking so long to write these chapters. its so hard to juggle school/field hockey/homework.

Chapter 1:A New Dawn

*Whump!* My eyes fluttered open. I took in a moment to focus on my surroundings. I found myself lying face down on the floor, and my head was throbbing as well. Great! I had another boat dream that rolled me out of my cot. I slowly stood up on 4 paws, and made a deep stretch to get all the soreness out of me. I walked back to the cot and quickly made it, you never knew if visitors were coming. But I already knew there wouldn't be.
In case you are wondering my name is Luna. I am a 17 year old female Umbreon, who happens to be an orphan. I've been an orphan since I was an egg, so I've been sleeping in this dusty room for as long as i can remember. The caretaker of this orphanage is an sad old Meganim by the name of Ms. Green, who always cries about "darkness warriors" and "you had such wonderful parents". I never got to meet my parents, they apparently died in an ambush of some sorts, and the only thing I have to remember them is the brown leather messenger bag I arrived in and a purple crescent necklace etched with name Luna on it.
Now the reason I've been at this orphanage so long is because I'm a dark type. Most the inhabitants on this island, Light Island, are composed of psychic types or just cheerful pokemon in general. The second reason is my color. Unlike most Umbreons who have gold rings and red eyes, I instead had deep amber eyes, blue rings on my fur and I have a shine in the moonlight.
When I was born, I had a defect in the color of my fur. Like all Eevee evolutions, I hatched into an Eevee; however, unlike most Eevee, whose fur is brown with white tufts, I instead had a silver sheen to my fur, and when the sun shined I seemed to sparkle. Most people feared I had other problems because of this, so I am pretty much stuck here.
My early years of childhood were a burden to bear. Because of my fur color, most of the other young pokemon st school would tease me and call me a freak. There was a time I did shut them up however. On day I was walking across the schoolyard when I noticed a young, weak-looking Bidoof being harassed by an older looking gang of bullies consisting of a nasty looking Raticate, a ruffled looking Staravia, and strong, leader-like Luxio. The Raticate took the Bidoof's school bag and searched it, while the Staravia kept a lookout for teachers and the Luxio pinned the crying Bidoof to the ground. I could not bear the thought of someone more normal looking than me be harassed by a bunch of schoolyard punks, so I quickly dashed over to scene.
When I got there, I ran as fast as I could, and placed a tackle on the paw the Luxio was using to pin the Bidoof down. His paw moved, but he seemed unaffected. The Bidoof quickly scrambled to get up and hid behind me. "So, it appears that your so called 'hero' has arrived." snarled the Staravia. Raticate took a look a me, then muttered "Looks more like another brat to me. And some miss-colored freak as well." right to the Luxio. I immediately felt anger surge through me, making me feel bigger and stronger. The Luxio turned to me, saying "Well then freak, you want to defend your little friend? Well lets see what you got."
My first move featured the dirt at my paws and I flung it at his face. He quickly covered his eye. "Why you little brat!" he growled, as he tried scratching the air, hoping to hit his target. I decided to take his moment of weakness to wind up, and with fire burning through me, I ran as fast as I could, and placed a dead-on hit right to the Luxio's chest. His eyes opened and widened, and he was sent flying about 20 feet through the air. The Luxio's gang stopped what they were doing and stared in shock as their leader landed with a thud, as he had fainted, and soon a small crowd of kids surrounded him to see what the commotion was all about. I quickly handed the Bidoof his things and ran home so I would avoid any pestering.
After that battle, I decided I wanted to become stronger. I was really lucky after all, and decided I would fare better as a battler. So every night when Ms. Green had gone to bed, I snuck out my window to train in the rainforests of the island. There were many wild pokemon to me to fight, and after many years of nightly training, I became stronger and faster, and soon I evolved into an Umbreon. So there is my wonderful life in a nutshell.

Once I finished cleaning my small room, I checked outside. It was still very dark. I opened my window and snuck out like I had always done. I began walking towards the rainforests, but I paused for a moment. I got a sudden notion that tonight would be a different one from all the rest. I quickly brushed the feeling off and trudged of to my training grounds.
As I began walking, my ears had picked up on something. I stood still, scanning my surroundings for any wild pokemon. After a little while, the noise came back again, and it seemed to be the sound of someone crying for help. Eager, I followed the source of the noise to find who was calling for help. After much winding and weaving, I soon came upon a darker area of the forest, and continued looking for the source. I soon found a basket large enough to hold a young pokemon. I looked into the basket, but instead found a black recording device uttering the earlier cries of hope. This must have been some sort of prank, but as I turned around to see if anyone was there, I felt a surge of strong electricity course through my body. The power surged through me, and I soon collapsed, my legs not obeying me. I could not move, and felt that I was about to faint. As my vision began to fade to black, a slightly noticed a green spiky figure making its way toward me.

The_Noob
09-01-2011, 02:39 PM
You need some paragraphs, sis. I'll fix up your chapter real quick:


Sorry I am taking so long to write these chapters. its so hard to juggle school/field hockey/homework.

Chapter 1:A New Dawn

With a loud, dull thump, my eyes fluttered open. I took in a moment to focus on my surroundings. I found myself lying face down on the floor, and my head was throbbing as well. Great! I had another boat dream that rolled me out of my cot. I slowly stood up on 4 paws, and made a deep stretch to get all the soreness out of me. I walked back to the cot and quickly made it, you never knew if visitors were coming. But I already knew there wouldn't be.

In case you are wondering my name is Luna. I am a 17 year old female Umbreon, who happens to be an orphan. I've been an orphan since I was an egg, so I've been sleeping in this dusty room for as long as i can remember. The caretaker of this orphanage is an sad old Meganim by the name of Ms. Green, who always cries about "darkness warriors" and "you had such wonderful parents".

I never got to meet my parents, they apparently died in an ambush of some sorts, and the only thing I have to remember them is the brown leather messenger bag I arrived in and a purple crescent necklace etched with name Luna on it.

Now the reason I've been at this orphanage so long is because I'm a dark type. Most the inhabitants on this island, Light Island, are composed of psychic types or just cheerful pokemon in general. The second reason is my color. Unlike most Umbreons who have gold rings and red eyes, I instead had deep amber eyes, blue rings on my fur and I have a shine in the moonlight.

When I was born, I had a defect in the color of my fur. Like all Eevee evolutions, I hatched into an Eevee; however, unlike most Eevee, whose fur is brown with white tufts, I instead had a silver sheen to my fur, and when the sun shined I seemed to sparkle. Most people feared I had other problems because of this, so I am pretty much stuck here.

My early years of childhood were a burden to bear. Because of my fur color, most of the other young pokemon st school would tease me and call me a freak.

There was a time I did shut them up, however. On day I was walking across the schoolyard when I noticed a young, weak-looking Bidoof being harassed by an older looking gang of bullies consisting of a nasty looking Raticate, a ruffled looking Staravia, and strong, leader-like Luxio. The Raticate took the Bidoof's school bag and searched it, while the Staravia kept a lookout for teachers and the Luxio pinned the crying Bidoof to the ground. I could not bear the thought of someone more normal looking than me be harassed by a bunch of schoolyard punks, so I quickly dashed over to scene.

When I got there, I ran as fast as I could, and placed a tackle on the paw the Luxio was using to pin the Bidoof down. His paw moved, but he seemed unaffected. The Bidoof quickly scrambled to get up and hid behind me.

"So, it appears that your so called 'hero' has arrived." snarled the Staravia.

Raticate took a look a me, then muttered, "Looks more like another brat to me. And some miss-colored freak as well." right to the Luxio. I immediately felt anger surge through me, making me feel bigger and stronger. The Luxio turned to me, saying "Well then freak, you want to defend your little friend? Well lets see what you got."

My first move featured the dirt at my paws and I flung it at his face. He quickly covered his eye.

"Why you little brat!" he growled, as he tried scratching the air, hoping to hit his target. I decided to take his moment of weakness to wind up, and with fire burning through me, I ran as fast as I could, and placed a dead-on hit right to the Luxio's chest. His eyes opened and widened, and he was sent flying about 20 feet through the air.

The Luxio's gang stopped what they were doing and stared in shock as their leader landed with a thud, as he had fainted, and soon a small crowd of kids surrounded him to see what the commotion was all about. I quickly handed the Bidoof his things and ran home so I would avoid any pestering.

After that battle, I decided I wanted to become stronger. I was really lucky after all, and decided I would fare better as a battler. So every night when Ms. Green had gone to bed, I snuck out my window to train in the rainforests of the island. There were many wild pokemon to me to fight, and after many years of nightly training, I became stronger and faster, and soon I evolved into an Umbreon. So there is my wonderful life in a nutshell.

Once I finished cleaning my small room, I checked outside. It was still very dark. I opened my window and snuck out like I had always done. I began walking towards the rainforests, but I paused for a moment. I got a sudden notion that tonight would be a different one from all the rest. I quickly brushed the feeling off and trudged of to my training grounds.


As I began walking, my ears had picked up on something. I stood still, scanning my surroundings for any wild pokemon. After a little while, the noise came back again, and it seemed to be the sound of someone crying for help. Eager, I followed the source of the noise to find who was calling for help.

After much winding and weaving, I soon came upon a darker area of the forest, and continued looking for the source. I soon found a basket large enough to hold a young pokemon. I looked into the basket, but instead found a black recording device uttering the earlier cries of hope. This must have been some sort of prank, but as I turned around to see if anyone was there, I felt a surge of strong electricity course through my body.

The power surged through me, and I soon collapsed, my legs not obeying me. I could not move, and felt that I was about to faint.

As my vision began to fade to black, a slightly noticed a green spiky figure making its way toward me.

So far, so good.

bridgetdrumlover
11-27-2011, 11:09 AM
Ah the long awaited chapter 3. Sorry i have put this off for so long. Ive been busy with school and sports and such. this may be more easily updateable now that I have more free time

Chapter 2: Unfamiliar Territory

As I slowly regained my consciousness, I felt a throbbing headache along with an electric-like current throughout my body, but I felt suprisingly well rested and comfortable. Something seemed off, it did not fell much like my thin mattress at the orphanage or the floor I fell on every morning.

I gently opened my eyelids, and found myself to be sleeping on a nice pillow-top bed with fluffy downy pillows. On the left side of the bed was a small vanity with a mirror, with my bag and necklace hanging off my chair. On the right side was a nightstand with just a simple lamp, and above me was a standard fan. What brought my attention was the windows, which were small, oval shaped, and screwed directly into the wall. I found this somewhat odd, so I slowly crawled out of bed and moved the hatch of the window.

The only thing i was able to see the sun shining on sea water. No grass, no dirt, no rocks, just wavy sea water. I then took another look around the room, and noticed the furniture was bolted to the floor. I tried to recollect the previous events that happened, and finally concluded that I was kidnapped in the middle of the night, most likely to be shipped off as a slave and my kidnappers had taken me by boat as well. I began to panic at first, but I then thought there could be some way to escape.

Grabbing my bag and adorning my moon pendant, I began to make my way toward the door, I started to hear voices outside my door. Figuring it would be better to fake I was sleeping, i threw my bag toward the vanity and jumped back into bed. As I lay there, I started to evesdrop on the outside conversation.

"Volty, why is it every time I go to check on her, you always have to follow me?" asked a deep, crisp voice.

"Well I was the one who knocked her out Jade. We need her to be awake, because we need to find out whether she is worth the trouble" replied a strong, gruff voice.

"Well she's bound to wake up soon. Shes already been out for 3 days thanks to you. Do you ever consider taking it easy on girls? Or did you intend on shocking her to death?" said the smooth voice.

3 days? Crap, I really don't remember anything. Who knows where I am now, and how strong are there monsters.

"I really only used a fraction of my power. Guess we need to give her some proper defensive training. Whatever. Let's just get this over with" said the gruff voice.

As I heard the doornob turn, I shut my eyes and took deep breathes to feign sleep. I waited a few minutes, listened to whispered mumbling, and as the door finally closed again I grabbed my bag and waited as the two unknown pokemon's footsteps began to fade away.

After silence for 5 minutes, I peeked out the door, and seeing that the narrow hallway was clear, I tiptoed out into the unfamiliar area. I followed the hallway, hoping it would lead me to the deck of the ship. As I continued on in stealth mode, a wonderful aroma began to fill my nostrils. It had a spicy, yet sweet scent that felt very nostaligic. Maybe it was something similar to the Curry Thursdays at the orphanage, where poor Ms. Green was probably worried about where I had gone to. Curry was always my favorite dish, so I figured I would sneak some as my stomach rumbled in hunger.

I found the area the smell had came from, which was a fairly large kitchen with numerous pots, pans, foodstuffs, and counters throughout it. I went to look for the source of the smell, and came across a seemingly abandoned pot on the stove. I checked inside the pot, and sure enough it was full with some delicious-looking yellow curry. My heart leapt to finally find one thing familiar on this ship, so I scrambled to find some cooked rice and a bowl to complement the dish.

As I sat down and began to dig in, I suddenly felt a presence behind me, and the air around me began to feel as hot as a heat wave in the Desert Resort. I heard a think country accent behind me speak "I didn't know we picked up a food-stealin' vermin at the last port". Knowing I could not escape, i slowly turned around to find myself staring into the face of an angry female Flareon, with brighter fur than a normal Flareon and sparkles surrounding her.

Kronos
11-27-2011, 01:00 PM
Like it , really enjoyed :).