PDA

View Full Version : The Official Joke Thread!



Aqua13
05-27-2008, 06:44 AM
Since some members wanted an actual section, here's a official thread instead. :)

Just post your jokes here! :D

Statigar
05-30-2008, 11:16 AM
What do you call a big, religious debate?


A Mass-debate :lol:

Aqua13
05-30-2008, 03:29 PM
What do you call a big, religious debate?


A Mass-debate :lol:

lulz
what do you call a cow with no legs?? eh eh? ground beef :lol: yeah i know that wasnt really that great =/

Statigar
05-30-2008, 04:07 PM
what do you call a dear with no eyes?



A no idea

xD

ItachiDUM
07-12-2008, 10:43 PM
*Knock Knock*

"Whos there? :? "

"Open the damn door, tis a robbry!"

"Open the damn door, this a robbry who? :? "

"Are you that stupid?! :shock: "

Its funny to me =]

Strype McClaine
07-28-2008, 02:02 PM
The modern Batwoman is written as being of Jewish descent and as a lesbian in an effort by DC editorial staff to diversify its publications and better connect to modern day readership

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Batwoman

I think I win at jokes now.
Jewish. Lesbian. Batwoman.

mosers15
08-01-2008, 02:23 AM
^^^^^^^^


ROFL


poor batwoman

Snypar
08-04-2008, 02:43 PM
*Knock Knock*

*Where's there*

*I ****** Doctor*

*I ****** DocterWho* =00000000000000000000000

Eternal
08-06-2008, 11:50 PM
what do you call a dear with no eyes?



A no idea

xD

No I deer

Blackout
08-12-2008, 01:01 AM
Sherlock Holmes and his friend Watson want camping. They put their tent, ate near a bonfire, talked, and slept in the tent. Watson opened his eyes in the morning and found that Holmes was awake too. They were in a sleeping position, their back to the ground and staring above.

Watson said 'Good morning Holmes'

Holmes said 'My dear Watson! Good Morning, What do you feel when you look above'

Watson said: A beautiful sky with lovely weather!, and what do you feel?

Holmes said: I feel that someone has robbed our tent.

Statigar
08-20-2008, 04:11 PM
LMFAO Eternal 8)

Blackout XD.


Come on.... lets bump this Joke thread!

i am cool
08-21-2008, 09:25 PM
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up

lol get it?????

The Shadow Projekt
08-24-2008, 09:40 PM
A few jokes I happen to know.

- Disappointment is when you walk into a wall with a ***** and break your nose first.

- A man asks his wife "why don't you tell me when you orgasim?" His wife replies, "well honey I don't like to call you when you are at work."

- A man grabs his girlfriends *** and says, "if this was firm you wouldn't need underwear." Then his girlfriend grabs his **** and said, "if this was bigger I wouldn't need your friend."

:lol: :lol: :lol: Laugh it up people. :lol: :lol: :lol:

imported_Shadow
08-24-2008, 10:28 PM
A few jokes I happen to know.

- Disappointment is when you walk into a wall with a ***** and break your nose first.

- A man asks his wife "why don't you tell me when you orgasim?" His wife replies, "well honey I don't like to call you when you are at work."

- A man grabs his girlfriends *** and says, "if this was firm you wouldn't need underwear." Then his girlfriend grabs his **** and said, "if this was bigger I wouldn't need your friend."

:lol: :lol: :lol: Laugh it up people. :lol: :lol: :lol:

...XD

i am cool
09-04-2008, 05:37 AM
-What did god say when he created the first black person?

Answer. Oops Burnt one.

-There is a magical mountain that whatever you say on it you become that. Ok well Bob, ****, and Harry were climbing this mountain well **** was ahead of the group and said eagle and he turned into an eagle and flew up the mountain. Harry was in the middle and said dog and he turned into a dog and ran down the mountain. And Bob was last and was wandering where his friends were and called out, "HAIRY ****" and guess what he turned into :wink:

-There is a magical bridge and whatever you say when dropping off it you fall into that object. Well three guys were going to jump off it. Eddie, Kuja, and Statigar. Kuja goes first and says gold and lands in gold. Eddie jumps of second and says silver and lands in silver. And finally when Statigar comes up he runs so fast and slips and says **** and lands in a pile of ****. 8)

that's funny, lol.

ok here r mine:

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.

There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."


and yet another one:

her's how much james is addicted to the computer enough to right this( i seen it in his block, really)

My computer broke down.

It crashed and burned!

And for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay busy...

And keep it off my mind.

It was worse than cigarettes, at least butts I can find!! So I went to Wal-Mart, and got on their pc.

The cashier in electronics was staring at me.

But I didn't care. I had to get on line! Check my mail, and see what buddies I can find.

I drew a crowd as I began to cry.

I couldn't find the password no matter how hard I tried! I need my AOL!! I got to have my fix!!

Go to my favorite places, check out some cool pics.

The cashier called Security! I heard her whisper low, "We have ourselves a Psycho here and she has got to go!"

Security rushed over. Not long did he stall.

Obviously he has never suffered from AOL withdrawal. He slapped cuffs on my wrists and threw me out the door!

Then he looked at me and said, "Don't come round here no more!"

I feel so embarrassed!! I have sunk so low! To be kicked out of Wal-Mart.... How low can I go?

So I'll try really hard now to rid myself of this affliction.

Get rid of these bad habits and my AOL addiction!

Milos
09-09-2008, 12:12 AM
A man and his wife walk into their new house.

In the house, they see a magical mirror.
The woman asks the mirror " what does my husband like about me best?"

And the mirror says her breasts, so she says ok i want my breasts to be huge, and poof, theyre huge.

The man walks over to the mirror and asks what his wife likes best about him.

The mirror says his **** and so he tells the mirror

" I want my **** to touch the ground" .....and then his legs fall off.







idk i thought it was pretty funny

i am cool
09-09-2008, 07:13 AM
lol.....that's not funny but acceptable.

FYS-guard
09-28-2008, 05:21 AM
why does tarzan say OOOAAOAOAOAOAOOOOH when hes in the jungle?

A: because hes swinging off the hairs of his balls
________
1Click2Paradise live (http://camslivesexy.com/cam/1Click2Paradise)

Statigar
09-28-2008, 11:17 AM
LMFAO XD :lol:

FYS-guard
09-28-2008, 11:25 AM
A group of apprentice soldiers are standing in a horizontal line. they each have targets in front of them. the commanding officer shouted "FIRE AT WILL!!"
one of the soldiers said "which ones will?"
________
BEST_SEXY_SUGAR (http://www.girlcamfriend.com/cam/best_sexy_sugar/)

Elixir
09-28-2008, 12:10 PM
LOL.

What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?


A woolly jumper XD

FYS-guard
09-28-2008, 12:13 PM
what do you get when you cross children, amusement park music, horses and a tornado?

A: a merry go round
________
xxSHINxx (http://camslivesexy.com/cam/xxSHINxx)

Mikarouge
09-28-2008, 04:43 PM
What did the Cop say to the Sleepy robber?

your under arREST.

I made that one up XD

paddyod
09-29-2008, 04:28 PM
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A boy fell in a mud puddle

Wanna hear a clean joke? He took a bath with bubbles

Wanna hear an even dirtier joke? Bubbles is the girl next door

zod
09-30-2008, 01:34 AM
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A boy fell in a mud puddle

Wanna hear a clean joke? He took a bath with bubbles

Wanna hear an even dirtier joke? Bubbles is the girl next door
ive heard that one before. This is kinda a riddle.
Railroad Crossing with no railroad cars. How do you spell that with no R's.

Answer: Spell THAT with no R's.

paddyod
10-01-2008, 08:34 PM
T-H-A-T

I heard that one before but you had to spell "it" not "that"


So this guy goes into a bar and says to the bartender,"Gimme a beer before the trouble starts"
The bartender gives him a beer, he drains it and a couple seconds after he asks for another "before the trouble starts"
He drinks that one and asks for another for the same reason.
Finally after 2 more beers, the bartender says "Sir, may I ask when this "trouble" starts ?"

The guy says, "the trouble starts when you find out that I don't have any money."

Kuja20
10-02-2008, 11:33 AM
A plane is making a crash landing and the pilot says that some weight needs to be lifted. So theres the an american, an english man, a jewish man and a german man on this plane.

The american shouts out " For America!" and jumps out
The English man shouts out " For England!" and jumps out
The German shouts out "For Germany!" and pushes the Jew out.

yeh i know not one of the best but meh

jackched123
10-08-2008, 08:24 PM
What road do ghosts live on?




A: Dead ends

Kuja20
10-10-2008, 06:07 PM
What road do ghosts live on?




A: Dead ends
ow that one hurt

Meganought
10-16-2008, 06:45 PM
what do you call a poodle with no legs?

a sponge.
________

Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting my favorite team. My seat wasn't the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, "No".
I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, "My wife use to love to come to these games until she died."

"Why didn't you give this seat away to a friend?" I asked.

He replied, "Because they are all at her funeral."

i am cool
10-17-2008, 01:52 PM
www.marriland.com (http://www.marriland.com)

the forums has been down for so long it's a joke....

Meganought
10-17-2008, 04:08 PM
ah, but i dont care
lol

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, "What''s in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.

He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man''s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

Kangaraptor
10-21-2008, 12:06 AM
Bill Gates and the president of General Motors have met for lunch, and Bill is going on and on about com*puter technology. "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour," says Gates. "Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50. Why haven't you guys kept up?"

The president of GM smiles and says, "Because the federal government won't let us build cars that crash four times a day."

Elevator Music
10-23-2008, 01:11 AM
There is a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead sitting on a bench. God/whatever comes up to them and says,
"Each of you have one last thought. Say it out loud and then you'll disappear."

So the redhead says her thought,
"I think I'm the smartest girl in the world."

And POOF she's gone. The brunetter says her thought,
"I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world."

And POOF she's gone too. The blonde says her thought,




"I think..."

And POOF she disappears.

Shineplz
10-23-2008, 01:19 AM
Omg, this joke is so old it's win.

You and your friend are walking down the street, and you see a genie's lamp. You pick it up and rub it and a genie comes out. He says:

"I will grant you 3 wishes, but for whatever you get, your friend gets twice as much."

You agree to his terms and he continues:

"What is your first wish?"

"I wish I had 10 billion dollars."

"You know your friend will get twice as much?

"Yes."

"What is your second wish?"

"I wish I had a 100 million dollar house."

"You know your friend will get twice as much?"

"Yes, I know."

"What is your third wish?"

You think long and hard before answering:

"I wish to get beaten half to death."

"You know your friend will get twice as much?"

"Yeah... I know."

jackched123
10-24-2008, 03:15 PM
What ia an astronaunts favourite meal?



Launch

Meganought
10-24-2008, 06:06 PM
How to Write a College Paper:
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Check your email.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
5. Check your email.
6. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you her paper, typed, double-spaced and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop her.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your email.
10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, seriously, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
13. Listen to the other side.
14. Check your email.
15. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
16. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the college, the world at large.
17. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
18. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor their special flavor.
19. Check your email.
20. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to “Sgt. Preston of the Yukon” is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions:
a) Pro Bowlers Tour
b) any movie starring Don Ameche
21. Catch the last hour of “Soul Brother of Kung Fu” on Channel 26.
22. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
23. Check your email.
24. Look at your tongue in the bathroom miror.
25. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask whoeveryone is.
26. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
27. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trenchcoated strangers lurking in the hall.
28. Check your email.
29. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
30. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.
31. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
32. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
33. Check your email.
34. Leap up and write the paper.
35. Type the paper, and while you're at it, check your email.
36. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that darn paper.

Meganought
10-25-2008, 08:22 PM
thats not funny.

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What, my dear?" she asked gently.

"You're a ******* jinx!"

Statigar
10-25-2008, 10:53 PM
thats not funny.

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What, my dear?" she asked gently.

"You're a ******* jinx!"

OMG.. LMFAO! :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Meganought
10-26-2008, 03:26 PM
i got one thing to say to you:
http://www.political-humor.org/graphics/how-about-a-nice-cup-of-shut-the-****-up.jpg

Kuja20
10-27-2008, 04:40 PM
"This woman claimed to be indecently assulted on Wednesday, and went to the police on the monday after that."

"Hang on why did it take her 5 days to report it to the police"

"Because she didnt know she had been indecently assulted until this guy's cheque bounced on Friday!!"

Another crappy joke

Shadow_Blaze
10-29-2008, 07:12 PM
Obama...thats the joke

StringCheese
10-30-2008, 09:09 PM
Obama...thats the joke

No u socialist.

Shadow_Blaze
10-31-2008, 02:29 PM
u call me a socialist when your canidate CALLS himself a socialist

StringCheese
10-31-2008, 06:35 PM
u call me a socialist when your canidate CALLS himself a socialist

No if anything, Obama (if i even consider him my canidate) would be more close to a Communist since he is liberal.

Meganought
11-01-2008, 09:19 AM
comnunism could, in theory, be the perfect way of ruling the world
but you need a perfect person to run it, or its just plain dictatorship
oh well
heres a joke:
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you're first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy''s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Billy''s father said, "I'm actually an attorney, but how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

Elevator Music
11-02-2008, 01:48 AM
Arin: just don't like taking sides*
El_Twig: Against all of the other clans*
El_Twig: The numerous clans of TU*
El_Twig: lol*

Hollow skull
11-02-2008, 10:11 AM
Arin: just don't like taking sides*
El_Twig: Against all of the other clans*
El_Twig: The numerous clans of TU*
El_Twig: lol*
please refrain from double posting xD

he didnt double post, lol. you and meganaut are between him

anyways, heres one

Q:What do marrilands forums and the christmas holidays have in common?

A:Both give you long breaks

i am cool
11-02-2008, 01:39 PM
Q; why did the chicken cross the road.

A: .....

Snypar
11-03-2008, 08:49 PM
Omg omg omg omg omg, Soooooooo hilarious.

Shadow_Blaze
11-06-2008, 02:46 AM
Q; why did the chicken cross the road.

A: Cause it was commanded to by Teh awesomeness...Shadow_Blaze

8)

StringCheese
11-06-2008, 08:18 PM
[quote="i am cool":cye2nkp5]Q; why did the chicken cross the road.

A: Cause it was commanded to by Teh awesomeness...Shadow_Blaze

8)[/quote:cye2nkp5]

you ruined the joke man!

Shadowmaster
11-16-2008, 02:53 PM
What do u call a no-legged dog?


Nothing hes not gonna come anyway

Tony32
11-18-2008, 02:07 AM
Knock Knock? Who's there?

Me :lol:

Carlo1003
11-21-2008, 08:43 AM
Haha, that is so funny Tony. :roll:

jackched123
11-23-2008, 04:46 PM
what do u call a fat women in bed?

piece of cake

Acer
11-25-2008, 09:14 PM
Knock knock

Who's there?

Banana

Banana who?

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Banana

Banana who?

Knock knock

Who's there

Your doctor

Your doctor who?

No, I'm not you ******.

Latiosmaster
11-29-2008, 08:42 PM
You may have heard befoer but:

One day some boy 2 days before thanksgiving Is sitting in his lawn when some Gangster come Over. the gangster teach's the kid the "S word".

So the boy goes home and asks his mom "What does the S word mean?" and his mom says "That means youre Grandma".

The next day the boy in the lawn again when the gangster come back and teach him the "A word".

So the boy goes home and asks his mom "What does the A word mean?" and his mom says "That means Dinner on the table".

On thanksgiving day the boy in the lawn again when the gangster come back and teach him the "F word".

So the boy goes home and asks his mom "What does the F word mean?" and his mom says "That means Mom and DAd getting dressed upstairs".

That night his Grandma comes over and teh boy says to her "Hi ****, The *** is on teh table and mom and dad are fuckinig upstairs!"

THE END
This got meh craking up lolol

i am cool
11-30-2008, 12:18 PM
Knock knock....who's there? Justin... justin who? just in time to beat you up!

Another lame joke!

Ps: eternals name is justin :P

Kuja20
11-30-2008, 02:25 PM
Knock knock

Who's there?

Banana

Banana who?

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Banana

Banana who?

Knock knock

Who's there

Your doctor

Your doctor who?

No, I'm not you ******.
As a Doctor Who fan i approve :P

i am cool
12-03-2008, 08:27 PM
A woman baked something that seemed as bread to the little children...but it was in fact named something else!

They wanted to observe it so they touched it...And the mother was like "DO NUT!" and that's why they're named donuts...

Zeus
12-04-2008, 02:27 AM
iac




















































































































































go home

i am cool
12-05-2008, 04:14 PM
That's why i said it's a lame joke....Die.

xdrpepper69x
12-11-2008, 01:36 AM
Ten Worst Company URL's
Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today?s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn?t give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called ?Who Represents? where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name? wait for it? is www.whorepresents.com (http://www.whorepresents.com)

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com (http://www.expertsexchange.com)

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net (http://www.penisland.net)

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com (http://www.therapistfinder.com)

5. Then of course, there?s the Italian Power Generator company? www.powergenitalia.com (http://www.powergenitalia.com)

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com (http://www.molestationnursery.com)

7. If you?re looking for computer software, there?s always www.ipanywhere.com (http://www.ipanywhere.com)

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is www.cummingfirst.com (http://www.cummingfirst.com)

9. Then, of course, there?s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com (http://www.speedofart.com)

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com (http://www.gotahoe.com)

BBB
12-11-2008, 08:53 PM
this is a joke my friend told me, its prbably not funny but oh well

i herd girls fanny hurts when they go for a ****?

later they realize that it was there bush on fire

jackched123
12-12-2008, 10:54 PM
ok this joke probably isn't even funny but i'm going to post it

there is an english men,irish men and a gay pakistany

the english men walks into a hotel and asks for a room for the night but the women says it's haunted though, then the mans say its alright i'm only staying 4 the night.

He then start hearing something
"I'm coming through the walls and i'm shaking my balls i'm gonna get ya"

Then he runs out screaming

the Irish men walks into a hotel and asks for a room for the night but the women says it's haunted though, then the mans say its alright i'm only staying 4 the night.

He then start hearing something
"I'm coming through the walls and i'm shaking my balls i'm gonna get ya"

Then he runs out screaming

the gay pakistany men walks into a hotel and asks for a room for the night but the women says it's haunted though, then the mans say its alright i'm only staying 4 the night.

he decides to go outside on some grass and then he starts hearing some thing

"I'm coming through the walls and i'm shaking my balls i'm gonna get ya"

Then he replies "I'm laying on the grass and i'm shaking my *** i'm going to let you"

Its probably not that funny

Acer
12-14-2008, 10:26 PM
ok, here's one.

So a guy's girlfriend is sleeping over the night.
The guy and the girl slept in a bunk-bed on top of their little brother's bed.
As the guy and the girl had a sandwich (at night...)
The brother below said "Go to sleep! You're getting mayonnaise on me!"

Get it? :mrgreen:

RaveSage
12-21-2008, 03:56 AM
"Hey, ask me if I'm a truck."

"Are you a truck?"

"No, I'm not a truck. Your crazy."

(That was made by a friend of mine... Well, I though it was funny when I heard it. 9_9)

EeveeBreeder
12-22-2008, 03:12 PM
This isn't exactly a joke but it's still hilarious.



How to KNOW that today is not your day:


http://i40.tinypic.com/9vgoyp.jpg

Acer
12-22-2008, 04:09 PM
*Knock Knock*

*Where's there*

*I ****** Doctor*

*I ****** DocterWho* =00000000000000000000000


rip off artist! -kicks you in the shin-

EeveeBreeder
12-22-2008, 08:34 PM
-Kicks acer in the shin- no kicking.

Acer
12-27-2008, 08:13 PM
twas rude :'(

EeveeBreeder
12-28-2008, 04:25 AM
ok, so a Croagunk is fighting an Alakazam. Alakazam's moves are Psychic, Psycho Cut, Psybeam and Teleport.

Croagunk used Anticipation!
Croagunk started shuddering (because anticipation notes it if your opponent has a super effective move)
Croagunk started freaking out!
CROAGUNK RAN LIKE HELL!!!!
Alakazam is the winner.

If you didn't get it, here's the explanation:

Alakazam only had psychic moves, and Croagunk is 4x weak to Psychic, making his anticipation freak the life out of him.

i am cool
12-28-2008, 03:49 PM
Lol that was a good joke since you created it...A bit lame but since you had the in sigh to create it then meh...

"Do you ever notice from the time you hang up the phone until the pizza guy shows up, the only conversation you have is 'Where in the hell is our pizza?"

zod
12-28-2008, 10:19 PM
It was a good joke EB. And lol yea iac. This is more of a horror story then anything. Its about this teacher who subbed for my math teacher for about 2 months. It was living hell. We had to right sentences to go to the bathroom. And she was ugly as hell. Worst thing of all she works at subway also 0_0.

Acer
12-29-2008, 02:34 AM
Oh, one time there was this sub teacher "Mrs. Smith" she's like super skinny, puts on a lot of makeup, blond curly hair, and just overall scary.

So, one day, Mrs. Smith (she's married, omg!!!) anyways, Mrs. Smith was my sister's substitute teacher one day. Guess what day it was? FRIDAY THE 13TH. So some kid goes up to my sister and whispers, "Here comes the devil."

paddyod
01-01-2009, 04:45 PM
Lol that was a good joke since you created it...A bit lame but since you had the in sigh to create it then meh...

"Do you ever notice from the time you hang up the phone until the pizza guy shows up, the only conversation you have is 'Where in the hell is our pizza?"

lol yeah iac so true.


Nappa: Vegeta, what does the Roman Scouter say about his power level?

Vegeta: It's over MMMMMMMMM!!!!

zod
02-07-2009, 01:11 AM
I learned this joke today and thought it was pretty funny.

This guy gets a tatoo on his back that looks like the front of a girl's face. Then gets 2 other tatoo's on his *** that looks like nipples on both cheeks. He thought it was funny and all till he went to prison and got ***** ****** :lol:

i am cool
02-07-2009, 08:29 AM
Lol...I kind of got it after thinking for 5 minutes of it's possible meaning xD.

randomdude68
02-12-2009, 07:43 PM
i got one its pretty simple but funny all the same.

What do michael jackson and santa claus have in common?
they both sneak into little kids bedrooms at night and leave with an empty sack...:D

i am cool
02-13-2009, 03:32 PM
And LOL @ randomdude.

Did anyone here the joke of a donkey who said no?

Acer
02-16-2009, 02:02 PM
no? but anyone watch jeff dunham?

"so..do you have any superpowers?"

"yes...I can fly."

"well, how far?"

"How far can you throw me..?"

and another one

"do you have any other powers?"

"yes, x-ray vision."

"oh, can you look through something practical, like clothes?"

"ew! you sicko!" (yes...I love looking at *******! <-- he wishpered that part)

mastaofFAGS
02-17-2009, 11:19 PM
here's one I heard

how come when men brag about their ***** size everyone is amazed but when I tell people my ****** is 1 foot long they just stare at me

zod
02-20-2009, 03:42 AM
That made me lol. I'll have to tell that to my friends irl.

i am cool
02-21-2009, 08:58 AM
LOL Masta!

Xorxion
02-21-2009, 10:50 AM
what do you call a terrorist with no brains? Tharik.

zod
02-24-2009, 01:35 AM
what do you call a terrorist with no brains? Tharik.
who is tharik's brother?

safe kid

Carlo1003
02-25-2009, 09:17 AM
[center:3u43l9rq]

what do you call a terrorist with no brains? Tharik.
who is tharik&#39;s brother?

safe kid
You mean twin brother?[/center:3u43l9rq]

i am cool
02-27-2009, 08:35 PM
Safe isn't even his cousin. Tharik is the Neighbour of Safe's Cousin.

Anyways, nice one Willis!

I certainly love self-created jokes!

Milos
03-02-2009, 01:16 AM
umm wanna hear a dirty joke?
a pig fell in the mud.

zod
03-03-2009, 02:05 AM
want to here a clean joke? the pig took a shower


Here's a funny one i heard :lol:

A **** has the worst life of it all. His hair is always a mess, His sons are balls, His neighbor's an asswhole, his best friends a *****, and he gets beat.

mastaofFAGS
03-03-2009, 05:24 AM
want to here a clean joke? the pig took a shower


Here's a funny one i heard :lol:

A **** has the worst life of it all. His hair is always a mess, His sons are balls, His neighbor's an asswhole, his best friends a *****, and he gets beat.

LOL

i am cool
03-05-2009, 02:52 PM
his Girl Friend is a ******

I add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray we don't multiply.

ronnie
03-11-2009, 07:59 PM
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in **** up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with **** up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with **** up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"

Milos
03-11-2009, 08:07 PM
lol..
ok a blonde a brunnette and a redhead are running from the police. the cop catches them and hes gunna shoot. he says to the redhead, "do you have any final words?" and the redhead shouts TWISTER and the cops turned around and she ran away. the cop asks the brunette if she has any final words and the brunette screams EARTHQUAKE and the cops turn around and she runs away. finally, the cop asks the blonde if she has any final words and the blonde screams FIRE and the cop shoots...

ronnie
03-11-2009, 09:40 PM
My bro told me this.

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a *******." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"

zod
03-15-2009, 01:32 AM
I liked the first one the best ronnie

Have any of you guys played the ****** game? Its when your on the back of the bus and shout out ******. And the next person has to say it louder. Then you have to say it louder ect... a pretty fun and amusing game it is.

zod
04-11-2009, 02:02 AM
Double post omg. Nobody would come here if i didnt though.

Replace your friends lubricant with gorilla glue =D

Milos
04-11-2009, 03:17 AM
lol yea i played the ****** game. except i played it using the word PINGASPINGASPINGASPINGASPINGAS, its a lot funnier

Dimes
04-27-2009, 08:37 PM
A man walks into an Afgan car dealership and asks for the best deals. The employee walk to him and shows him disfigured metal shapes. The man asks why these are good cars and the employee says "It was only blown up once."


Hitler tried to have his Nazi soldiers learn Karate, but the Sensei told the soldiers to raise thier hand like a salute and fling it straight at the opponent. The Nazi army failed.

Tell a MALE friend of yours that the girls go nuts about guys with no pubes. Tell him that the safest way to get rid of pubes is to wax them off. ><

Hero Kid
04-28-2009, 04:32 PM
lol..
ok a blonde a brunnette and a redhead are running from the police. the cop catches them and hes gunna shoot. he says to the redhead, "do you have any final words?" and the redhead shouts TWISTER and the cops turned around and she ran away. the cop asks the brunette if she has any final words and the brunette screams EARTHQUAKE and the cops turn around and she runs away. finally, the cop asks the blonde if she has any final words and the blonde screams FIRE and the cop shoots...

LOL its always the blondes.... *sigh*....

Dimes
05-01-2009, 10:33 PM
You know what a wenis is right? It's the elbow flab apparently. So you go scream at this guy and say SUCK MY WENIS N00B.

Duskie
05-12-2009, 02:51 AM
Needs more foreigner jokes.

Eternal
06-03-2009, 06:51 AM
What does a black kid get for your birthday?

Screaming Angel
07-15-2009, 04:28 AM
This one made me lmao its pretty funny:



Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

supertrunks8
07-26-2009, 07:19 PM
^i've heard that joke a bunch of times

BlackRain
07-26-2009, 07:34 PM
so have i its funnyer the first time

Tastelesshat
08-04-2009, 02:13 AM
Knock Knock
Who's there?
300 People died in a plane crash
300 people died in a plane crach who?
I thought it was funny

eaglehawk
08-04-2009, 04:38 PM
You: Comprendes espanol?
Santa: Que? Yo no comprendo espanol, hijo de puta.

Yo mama so poor I walked through her door and fell out the window.

Yo mam's like a metrocard: she likes a quick slide.

Yo mama so skinny, the strippers used her as a strip pole.

Yo mama so old, Adam owes her three bucks.

Yo mama so stupid, she ate TastelessHat and said she had ******.(No offense)

Yo mama so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so ugly, she went to the bathroom and scared the **** out of the toilet.

Tastelesshat
08-04-2009, 05:11 PM
Yo mama so stupid she laughed at this joke.
It undermines the quality of the yo mama joke and makes a non-existent laugh at the same time!

Sheep
09-20-2009, 02:31 AM
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from the black guy.

Lunar
09-20-2009, 02:40 AM
.....wow sheep..

Sheep
09-20-2009, 02:42 AM
Why was lunar shocked by my joke?

Because it was racist.

Lunar
09-20-2009, 02:43 AM
............

Vertigo
09-20-2009, 03:31 AM
Why did the girl fall off the bike going up the hill?














































Because a fridge hit her.

Lunar
09-20-2009, 03:33 AM
..............common people be funny -_-

Vertigo
09-20-2009, 03:41 AM
ok, ok.

Why the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms or legs.

Lunar
09-20-2009, 03:42 AM
wwoooooooooooooooooooooooww

TheNextAsian
09-25-2009, 06:45 PM
I came up with this joke a while before Saturday Night Live used it... I ORDER COPYRIGHT!


(It's not funny)
What do you get when you cross an wrestler/actor and a politician?





















"The Rock" Obama

Milos
09-25-2009, 07:50 PM
http://www.nerve.com/CS/blogs/61fps/2009/01/facepalm.jpg

Albatross
09-25-2009, 08:27 PM
http://www.nerve.com/CS/blogs/61fps/2009/01/facepalm.jpg

^^^^^^

FIL
01-23-2010, 12:24 AM
why is europe so slippery

FIL
01-23-2010, 12:24 AM
srrry forgot to post the answer

cuz it has greece at the bottom
i kno its gay

Deva
01-26-2010, 06:09 PM
Why didnt the skeleton jump of the mountain?
























Because it had no guts. XD

Ace.
01-27-2010, 04:59 AM
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?













Santa Claus only has 3 ho's! :P

Tony32
01-27-2010, 05:15 AM
Tiger has more than 3 hoes or w.e it is, that joke got worn out fast lol.

Noobert
01-27-2010, 05:52 AM
Why'd the chicken cross the road?

He crossed the road. Because!

He wanted to get to the other side so he can find a rubber ball, then with that rubber ball, he threw it at a car. The driver got very angry, he picked up the rubber ball and hit the chicken on the face, it then left a very bad mark. Then when the chicken went to go back home, he had to cross the road again. He was in a hurry. So he starting crossing the road, then SMUSH! He gets run over by a car.

Lesson: Always look both ways before crossing a road.

shadow110394
02-13-2010, 10:51 AM
whats black with a red spot?









a bleeding fly

Pedobear
03-20-2010, 03:04 AM
How do you make a fat kid fall?
Push him.
So funny.

bobphillip
03-25-2010, 08:52 PM
Why did the rooster/chicken throw the cat in the water?







The **** wanted his ***** wet

piaka
03-26-2010, 12:01 PM
LOL, its alright

Scimjara
04-07-2010, 11:04 AM
An earthquake hit taco bell

Shining Latios
04-07-2010, 11:15 AM
Why did the rooster/chicken throw the cat in the water?







The **** wanted his ***** wet
lol good one

Nolie
04-08-2010, 02:24 AM
Classics are good:

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just took off with my back pack."

Sheep
05-21-2010, 04:49 PM
a horse walks into a bar

the bartender says, why the long face?

Tastelesshat
05-22-2010, 02:14 AM
A woman walks into a bar and orders a double entendre. So the bartender gives it to her!

Nathan
05-28-2010, 01:11 AM
lol

Sephira
05-29-2010, 01:10 AM
Classics are good:

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just took off with my back pack."

nice one lol

TheLegendary35
12-01-2010, 11:22 PM
So a family brings their great-grandmother to a nursing home, she's like 90 or something. They leave her there hoping she'll be well taken care of.

The next morning she wakes up in bed, gets a nice breakfast, shower, and is seated in a comfortable chair in front of a beautiful flower garden.

After a while she leaned in one direction, and an attentive nurse straightened her up again. The same thing happened five minutes later. This went on for a few hours.

When her family came over to check on her, they asked her how she was doing. She said, "It's great here! The nurses are nice, the gardens are beautiful...

...the only problem is they won't let you fart."

malom
06-12-2011, 08:25 PM
women say that the hardest thing that a person can do is give birth........ clearly none of them have ever tried to uppercut a dwarf





lmao

usairlinesletter
07-07-2011, 12:59 AM
that's a great men...a deer with no eyes is called noe eyedeer....lol

Sandwich
09-20-2011, 03:57 PM
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

Beartic
10-27-2011, 09:29 PM
You know, I agree with Team Plasma.

Training Pokemon is wrong on so many levels.

Dinofossil5
10-27-2011, 09:52 PM
You know who's a good singer?
Justin Beiber

Pokeupdate77
06-29-2012, 10:03 PM
Why did the couch go to the bank?

_DeoXyZ_
06-30-2012, 03:18 PM
'cause she had too much cents under it's pillows

Glitch
07-05-2012, 04:04 PM
Wanna hear a joke...?


Women's rights.

_DeoXyZ_
07-05-2012, 11:20 PM
There was a behavior naughty Rabbit and a bear , oneaday , the rabbit insulted the bear hard, the bear lost it and started chasing him. while running , the rabbit bumped onto a old shoe , after moving it , a genie came out , he've said i'll give both of you 3 wishs
the bear said i wish all the bears in the forrest become females ...the genie granted it
the rabbit wanted a bike helmet ... the genie started thinking , is this rabbit retarded? but he granted it.
the bear said i wish all the bears in the world become females , and he granted it again.
the rabbit wanted a strong hardcore motorbike in his size , the genie : (...this rabbit is totally retarded)ok , granted.
the bear said i wish i have unstoppable honey in my cave , the genie granted it as well.
the rabbit put the helmet on his head , and rided the motorbike , then he said : i wish he becomes gay! then he ran off epicly.

LOL

DucksGoMooful
07-06-2012, 12:39 AM
That's actually pretty funny :D
Try and use punctuation though :(

_DeoXyZ_
07-06-2012, 10:29 PM
That's actually pretty funny :D
Try and use punctuation though :(

Okey :D

Heres another from youtube.
Three nerds was talking 'bout world records.
Nerd1 : hey guys , i guess i have the smallest arm in the whole world.
Nerd2: then i have smallest head in the whole world as well
Nerd3 : ok don't laugh about it but i guess i have the smallest ***** in the whole world
Nerd1: hahahahaha! rofl!
Nerd2: PFFThahahaha cough cough...

*after going in and out in the official world records office.*

Nerd1 : i do have the smallest arm , yeah!
Nerd2: and i do have the smallest head! xD
Nerd3: who the hell is justin beiber?!

xD