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Thread: Eulogy of Dave

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    Eulogy of Dave

    "Dave was like a brother to me......only problem is......he was a sister to me when we first met. Dave loved his children, Donny, Danny, Dylan, and Dave Jr. Dave loved to go hiking. He often would talk about the days he spent with his dad. His dad beat him and called him offensive names, he never quit....but he loved Dave....and I do too. I remember the time when Johnny, Jill, James and I went to Dave's wedding. He married his lovely wife, Loraine, whose bridesmaids were Lily, Loretta, Laura, and Mike. Oh Mike was a handsome woman. I remember the time when she, Dave and I went fishing in the sewer....and then a gator up and chewed Mike's arm off. Dave sat there and laughed at Mike, as she bled to death. I fell asleep during the whole thing. Anyway, Dave was probably the one person I ever did think about asking to prom, but then he began his new life and took Loraine instead (she's a skank). Anyway, Dave played video games with me, had beers with me, and touched women inappropriately with me. Wait forget that last one. Dave was a gangster. He shot up entire families to ensure he made enough money for his. Truly a saint.

    When you exit this Church and walk to that graveyard, remember to think about Dave. I will. I always will think about him. But unfortunately, I can't live without him."

    "Max, don't do this!"

    "**** my life!"

    Max shot himself then and there. Dave and Max were remembered as America's most horrible politicians and criminals.
    It takes a Teen Age Riot to get me out of bed right now.

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    BTW, this story is a metaphor for modern America.
    It takes a Teen Age Riot to get me out of bed right now.

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