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    [ ssshaymin's blog ] Nichijou

    Might as make this now while I have the time.


    Hello, my name is ssshaymin. I go by a lot of other names, hiyou-maru, mogwald, chrono-entia, what have you, but call me Charlotte if you want. I'm a Filipino that lives in the United States, if you don't already know already. I'm also a filthy, filthy weeb with an unhealthy obsession with Kancolle and Doctor Who. In some ways, you could say I'm 70% anime weeb and 30% video game nerd. If you couldn't tell already, I do a lot of my own Photoshop work, but as a whole, I'm just an amateur artist with no other true artistic outlet other than Photoshop. I'm a very varied person, you see, and it seems to have its ups and down, but I try to live life the way I want: in a very unorthodox fashion, that is.

    What You'll See:
    • Artist's Notes: Screenshots of what I'm Photoshopping at the moment, and my inner thoughts on it. It'll usually be in some pre-modified coloring stage.
    • Real life stuff: Speaks for itself, I talk about my life.
    • Vents: Probably lots of those. I may mix them in with my real life posts.
    • Rants: Maybe. Who knows. I have a lot of things on my mind.


    I can't promise anything that's interesting or sugar filled, but I'll try to make my blog as interesting as possible.


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    Last edited by ssshaymin; 06-28-2015 at 09:23 PM.


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    Thursday, May 28th, 2015, Central Standard

    The Nightmare is Over... or is it?

    It doesn't really feel like the last school day of this year. In fact, it feels like a regular day. To me, the hugs and goodbyes were a mystery, because after what my parents put me through, what my school put me through... all I had was my seventh grade self and my fifth grade self. My fifth grade self was an empty husk that could only simulate emotions and believed that she was a human gone wrong. My seventh grade self was a horrible mess of wanting to kill herself, a legitimate weeb, and grades that had gone horribly wrong. To me, it was like the happy, talkative, top-of-the-game self of mine had never existed. It was a complete reversal of what I used to be, but I guess school can do that. Especially at a school like mine.

    Going to my school... it's not a pretty experience. If you're not mentally prepared, I don't know what to tell you. When you go to a school like mine that has high expectations, from the state, other schools in the district, and from the parents, it's really just not worth going to. But I have to keep moving, for the sake of ever perpetual change and for the sake of moving forward in time. I continue onward to a higher grade level for no one's sake. Not even my parents. On the contrary; I consider my parents' sake the least. There's always been a strained relationship between my parents and I, and if you'll ask me once, I trust my friends more than I trust my parents. It's probably a phase you say, and deep down, I probably know that as well, but it's been like that for several years.

    Which is why I loathe the short car ride home. It's short enough that you couldn't fall asleep, so I always felt completely exposed whenever I talked to my dad. My dad is the kind of person who would praise you if you did a good job, but anywhere else, he'd be controlling. It was almost as if he had two faces: the one he showed to his co-workers and (almost primary Filipino) friends, and the one he showed whenever he pitied you, the one that he showed when "his fingers itch", if I put it in Shakespearan terms. Which is the point of this whole rambling: I had talked to one of my friends this morning, we'll call her Friend A, not because she's a supporting character like in Shigatsu in this story of perpetual insanity, but simply because her name happened to start with an A. We'd discussed the morning talking about our grades, and we both came to a conclusion that my parents didn't have faith in me. None. Zero. Zilch. My dad said something the night before about my grade on my English final being bad, but it really wasn't. It was an 81, and it was enough to pass the semester and consequently the course with a B. Talk to any person within the school and they'll tell you that's a good grade.

    I was hoping that when I got home today, I wouldn't have to face this kind of pitying. I was most definitely wrong on that because my dad scolded me for a 61 on my math final. Though I do realize that my grades in math were less than I expected in math, I was happy that I passed the course. The school that I go to is an incredibly tough one, and sometimes I feel that my parents haven't fully understood the notion of "strict, college-like curriculum". Someday, eventually...


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    Artist's Notes: A Dio Brando siggy


    First version:
    Spoiler!

    Second version:
    Spoiler!


    This is a request from someone outside these forums and I've actually been stuck on this one for some time now. Having never read/watched Jojo's Bizzare Adventure, I usually don't know what to do with these kinds of requests. It makes it even worse by the fact that the forum this request was from doesn't have a system of requests forms, so you have people that leave requests that say something like "hey, can I get [insert name of character] with x, y, or z expression with a, b, or c costume" and while I'm not totally against it, it's kinda bothers me because people ask for pictures that may or may not exist. I'm the kinda person who needs some restrictions as to what I can do. Then again, said forum might feel the same way with my comfort zone, which is asking for renders instead of details of a character.

    But I digress. I made two version with the same render because sometimes I don't know where to take these signatures and the Dio Brando signature is no exception. For some reason, I like to make signatures with guys have C4Ds, which doesn't really bode well for me because not only do I not like to use C4Ds often, I dislike using stocks with C4Ds. It's a good challenge yeah, but it turns into something like the first version, where it's just a big mess of stuff that I'm really stuck on. I mean, I've made stuff in the style of the first signature before, but let's just say the product is something I don't wanna see again. I think the second version has some potential, but it also looks like something I could get stuck on really quickly...
    Last edited by ssshaymin; 05-31-2015 at 12:15 AM.


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    So question, do you play Kancolle, or are you just interested in it? I'm in the latter category (Never tried the lottery), but I was curious. Also, who are your favorite shipgirls? Just curious!

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    I play Kancolle. I think it's been three months since I started playing. For me, the lottery wasn't hard to get into, but I know of a couple people that had to try a couple times to get in. As for which shipgirls I like the most... I'd say Yamato, Haruna, Hiyou, and Katsuragi. Out of those four, I can't really decide who I like the most. Kancolle's shipgirls are easily some of the hardest cast of characters that I just can't pick a favorite for. ^_^;


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    Sweet! I'm also a fan of Yamato and Katsuragi. I also really like Prinz Eugen, Murasame, all of the Kongou sisters... I agree, it's very difficult to pick a favorite. xD

    But that's awesome! I was thinking of playing as well, but I never got around to starting. Now that it's summer, maybe I should!

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    Oh by god, Prinz Eugen. I was thinking of the girls that I actually have, but Prinz Eugen is absolutely adorable. Sometimes I just wish the developers would make her buildable already.

    Now's actually the perfect time to sign up. It's been about two and a half weeks since Spring Event ended, and the next one's not until--at the very least--early August, so there's no pressure about getting and leveling girls and whatnot. While I'm at it, it's also the perfect time to learn the ropes, since getting around the menus in Kancolle can be a little disorienting, being a game with all Japanese text. Though it's only like that for the first week or so, or at least with the Kancolle wiki.
    Last edited by ssshaymin; 06-04-2015 at 05:50 AM.


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    I KNOW I LOVE EUGEN! I will strive to have her and Bismarck nee-san in my fleet asap.

    And sweet! I'll start checking the lotteries. The Twitter account says there will be one today, but it doesn't say the time yet, so I guess I'll just keep checking and do my best. I've been playing iM@S for the PS3 in full Japanese, so I'm used to playing non-english games, but I also know that means it's good that there's time between events. xD

    I'll let you know then if I have any questions that the wiki doesn't answer for me!

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    Sunday, June 28th, 2015, Central Standard

    The Midnight Oil is a Two Sided Coin

    The night grows late, but yet my mind still intends to work it's way to dawn. Four o' clock, I think to myself as I stare at my dimly bright phone. The same as the night before and the night before that. A restless night, though a chilly one at that. I shouldn't have been on my phone, yet it's the only thing that's helped me sleep. Maybe it's bothered me more than usual. Each second ticks by with the steady beat of my heart and it leaves me ever more scared. I shouldn't be, you might say. But each second is a second long gone, a second that I might've put to use. Like always, its only use for the night was for my ever dying body.

    Growing up isn't something that I fear. I've always thought it was a completely normal thing to do. I could grow up completely and be content with my life. And yet, it feels like I'm not supposed to be. It's not the life I live that scares me, it's the life I'm meant to have that leaves me crying into my pillow. In other words, I can't stand the thought of myself having a normal life, which pushes me ever so close to that point: going to work, bound by a needless repetition for what purpose? Who's sake? My own? To what end? My thoughts floated to a story I heard from a Psychology teacher. The moral of the story was along the lines of "because the person had already been in a state of content, all he needed to do was make a living so that he didn't need to be successful in order to be happy". I was already content with the state I was in, only I knew it was going to end soon. Call me stupid, dumb, an idiot, and a moron, but this rambling was because I'm going to have to do community service hours on Wednesday. But to me, I see it as more of a state in which I'm that much closer to having a normal, dull, repetitious life. I've heard of people be unhappy because of that life, and I don't want to be one of those people only because it has good pay.

    I close my eyes and the scene unfolds before me: a small room with a kotatsu and some difficult books stacked upon a darkly painted shelf, followed by a familiar bed pushed to the right side. I can vaguely make out the face of the one standing before me, but the only clear details are her long hair, her fancy white blouse over a red dress, and the ribbons keeping parts of her hair in place. She seems to be the one that gives me the strength to live. I can feel the tears spilling over and staining my cheeks as most of my worries slip away. It's the naval district I dreamed up, I assume. There's no other place that would give me so much peace in a world of stress and insanity. All my thoughts faded to black and my words slipped through my fingers as my mind fell in the darkness of sleep.


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