[Pokemon] The Epic Story of Epic Proportions

[theBlob]

Cloud, use my ideas for the bonus chapter.. now.

[CloudNine]

Here's the bonus chapter I promised. And since it was a bonus chapter, I though I'd change the story a little. This chapter takes place in an alternate reality where Marinna is a scary figure that Joseph fears, and where there is nothing about Pokemon. This, is actually the first few chapters of the original story, compressed into two pages in Word. And no, I don't try to give quality in my descriptions because there is no point when everyone is looking out for laughs.

Bonus Chapter #1
Joseph opened his eyes. The place was unfamiliar. All he remembered was taking a dump and-

“Oh crap.” He yelled as he realized that he was butt-naked. So much for being the hero of the story.

His eyes scanned the area and he found his sister lying on the ground. The area was grassy. Flowers bloomed all around, and it looked like they were at the top of the hill.

“This looks like a scene from a romance anime.” He walked towards his unmoving sister, and gasped out loud when he saw the thing in her hand.

It was the, wait no, his 3DS. The one that he had forbidden her to even look at it. Let alone touch it. She was unworthy to even breath the air it contacted. “GIVE IT BACK!” Joseph roared at Marinna.

Marinna took one look at Joseph and burst out laughing. “That thing, it sooooo small!”
“SHUT UP!!!” Joseph yelled, face red, whether from fury or embarrassment, no one knew.

Marinna’s face hardened. “Take one step forward and I’ll relocate your testicles.”
Ouch. Joseph flinched. He wasn’t about to let his testicles get relocated anywhere. He liked it where it belonged too. He’d always imagined elephants as animals that had their genitals growing in the wrong place. “Where’s your pants?” Marinna asked. “Where are we anyway?”

“I was taking a dump when I found myself here!” Joseph retorted. Still eyeing his 3DS, he said, “Let’s go and find someone.”

He blindly took a step forward and tripped over-

“A pork bun?” Marinna gasped.

“It’s a chicken bun, noob.”

“Its pork!”

“Chicken!”

“Fine! Let’s eat it to find out.” Marinna told Joseph.

They were edging slowly towards the bun when it spoke. “Me not a bun.” Joseph and Marinna took one look at the talking bun, and resumed their argument.

“It’s a talking pork bun.”

“It’s a talking chicken bun!”

“Me am not a talking bun!” The uhh… ‘not-talkingbun’ said. “Me called you here to save us. You in China now.”

It was a while before the bunhead realized that Joseph and Marinna were not listening, but rather arguing on who gets to ‘eat the talking bun’.

“Hey, don’t you want to know why you were brought here?” The bun said, fingering its bald head. “Me need to teach you Kong Fu.”

That got Marinna’s attention. “Kong Fu? Sign me up!”

Joseph shrugged. “Whatever.”

The bun seemed to be thinking. “You beginner. Me teach you something simple. Uh… Me teach you Frog Fu.” He seemed very satisfied with himself.

Joseph’s jaw dropped. “Frog Fu?”

“There’s also Owl Fu, Duck Fu, Mushroom Fu, Care Fu, Beauty Fu, King-Kong Fu, Toe-Fu, Tank Fu, Mind Fu, Forget Fu, Mercy Fu, DucksGoMooFu-”

“Ahhh okay enough!” Marinna silenced the Bun. “I’ll take Frog Fu. Whatever it is. What’s your name, by the way?”

“Me name? It’s Blueberry.”

Joseph started swearing and talking about insanity and how Fu of Crap Blueberry was, but Marinna cut him off with a glare that clearly said, “Cut the crap or I’ll cut your balls off.” Joseph shut up.

“So here’s how to do Frog Fu.” Blueberry said. He stuck his leg out, lost balance, and fell over. Staggering up, he told the siblings, “Now you try.”

“We uh… fall down?” Joseph asked Blueberry, scratching his head, and trying to find the logic in illogic.

“Let’s try.” Marinna said, and she kicked Blueberry so hard, she defied the laws of physics and sent him into next week instead of a few meters.

Next Week…

It was somewhere late at night, when Blueberry staggered back, supporting himself with a walking stick. “Good. You mastered Frog Fu (WHAT? - Joseph). So now me teach you Toad Fu.” Without delay, Blueberry stuck out his leg, and fell over again.

“Uh…” Joseph said, clearly at loss for words.

“Isn’t that the same as Frog Fu?” Marinna voiced the question for Joseph.

“No.” Blueberry said. “Frog Fu in day. Toad Fu at night.”

Joseph face palmed as Marinna kicked Blueberry in a rage. “You kept us waiting one week for this?”

“Uhh… You were the one who kicked Blueberry across time and space.”

Marinna didn’t reply, so Joseph took it as a go-ahead to kick Blueberry as well. “That felt good.” Joseph remarked.

Blueberry amazingly got up again, and after coughing something that looked like blood, he pointed to the forest and said, “Me need to bring you to temple.”

After a long trek, which consisted of Angry Birds, very misshapen Pigs with hard hats, and huge sling shots that obviously did not belong in the forest or in China, they found themselves in front of a huge gold plated temple. “Welcome to our humble temple.” Blueberry told them.

Glancing around, Joseph took in the gold plated walls. “Humble?”

“Before he died, my master told us that one day a hero will arrive in China who has the power to save us.”

“From what?” Joseph asked.

“Master.” Blueberry suddenly said, bowing deeply. A bunheaded freak was standing in front of the front door. He was apparently Blueberry's master.

“Wait, so Blueberry really meant ‘before he died’!?” Marinna exclaimed.

“Still alive and kicking uh?” Joseph remarked.

The master, was, in layman terms, another bunheaded freak, looking exactly like Blueberry in every aspect.

"Come." The master told them. "Its time for our Toe-Fu (Tofu) eating competition."

"Crap." Joseph said. The name itself told Joseph that he was in for a bunch of crap.

---------------------------------------------------------

To be continued... (After 10 more votes)

*Argh. I'm running out of funny stuff.

[DucksGoMooful]

Clearly, Ria is a Zoroark. Expand on that.

[CloudNine]

Clearly, Ria is a Zoroark. Expand on that.

Nice idea, but too unoriginal. Nope, she's not a Zoroark.

Anyway, this chapter is full of Bob and Joseph. Go figure. Oh and yes, some of my jokes I got from Magazines, so if you see a joke you recognize, eh.

Chapter 7: A Bob Job.

Bob was jumping up and down stupidly.

“What are you doing?” Joseph asked.

“Ima defying da laws of physics!” Bob exclaimed.

“How?”

“You know, how a force can only be changed when another force isa exerted onnit?” Bob explained, “Well, no force can stop me! Even Cloud the author cannot stop the unstoppable force called Bob!”

[I’m going to ignore that and continue narrating…]

“Well,” Joseph said, “How do you do that?”

“It’s because of a tomato that is being kept in someone’s freezer.” Bob replied.

“WTH?” Joseph said. “How does a Tomato relate to the Laws of Physics?”

“Simple! A Tomato has the letter ‘a’, and so does the Laws Of Physics!”

“I WANNA KILL MYSELF.” Joseph moaned.

“You’re already in hell.” Bob pointed out.

“And whose fault is it?” Joseph ranted.

“The Tomato in someone else’s fridge!”

“And how – ARGH Forget it.”

“I can teach you how to defy the laws of physics too! All you have to do is pass this quiz.” Without waiting for Joseph’s answer, Bob took out a piece of paper from his underpants, while Joseph moaned about changing his mind about being a Pokemon master and going home to face his dad instead of Bob.

Question 1: How old am I?

1) Mushroom 2)Orange 3)Cookie 4)Potato

Question 2: What is my favorite color?

1)One 2)Two 3)Three 4)Four

Question 3: A man was walking down the road. How did he die?

1)Rocket from Mars 2)Meteorites 3)Jellyfishes 4)Mudkips

Joseph tore the paper in half.

“Bob, lets just go and do what we came to do.” He said finally. They had gone to scout the area (They were in hell after all), and the girls had stayed behind to slack. It appeared that Bob had other plans.

“Joseph.” Bob said as he laid his hand on Joseph’s shoulder. “I stole your cookie!” He hissed venomously.

“Wait what?!”

“I said I stole your cookie!” Bob’s eyes narrowed as he thrust his face towards Joseph’s nose.

“I DON’T HAVE A FREAKING COOKIE!” Joseph yelled and pushed Bob away from him.

“THAT’S BECAUSE I STOLE IT!” Bob answered, hissing spittle at Joseph.

“Then I’ll take it back!” Joseph retorted.

Bob’s eyes went wide. “You can’t! No! NO! NOOO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He grabbed Joseph by the shoulders and started shaking him. He took Mudkip’s-

“Udkip’s.” Bob corrected.

HE TOOK OUT UDKIP’S POKEBALL AND SENT OUT THE UDKIP. “ZAP CANNON!!!” Bob yelled. “EAT ZAP CANNON!!!”

A large ball of electricity formed in Udkip’s mouth, and Bob grabbed it with his hand.
“EAT THIS!” He yelled at Joseph. “EAT IT!!! YOU MUST EAT IT!!! OR YOU’LL DIE!”

“BUT IF I EAT IT I’LL DIE!” Joseph yelled back in fright.

“BUT YOU’LL DIE IF YOU DON’T EAT IT!” Bob cried.

“…” Was all Joseph could say.

“But don’t worry.” Bob said again. “You’re already dead, so you won’t die. You’ll just be in a horrible pain so painful that you’d wish you were dead.”

“ISN’TTHATGODDAMNWORSE?!!!”

“Garchomps, buy yourself a Garchomp here!” A cry distracted Bob and he let go of the attack, letting Joseph go free, who was currently hyperventilating.

“Garchomp? I wanna Garchomp!” Bob pulled Joseph into the shop.

“See this Garchomp?” The seller said.

“Yes, yes I see it!” Bob replied.

The seller wrinkled his brow. “Uh… Watch what it can do.” Turning to the Garchomp held by the rope, he shouted. “Garchomp in hell! The floor!” The Garchomp fell on the floor and destroyed it completely.

“Wow!” Bob gasped.

“Garchomp in hell! The door!” The seller was showing off.

The Garchomp trashed the door. Simple enough.

“I’ll buy it!” Bob stated.

After a while, they went back to the group. Joseph was itching to get away from Bob.

“Guess what girls!” Bob exclaimed.

Marinna kept quiet, while Ria frowned.

“I bought a Garchomp!”

“You bought a Garchomp in hell?” Marinna snorted. “My ***!”

[[MuSiCa]]

I think you told me what happens next. Not pretty x.x